One of the issues that strikes a nerve within me is child abuse, especially sexual abuse. There’s something about that issue that activates a strong reaction of disgust deep inside me. The scars from that abuse last long after the circumstances changed. I’ve even encountered situations where fully functional adults are suddenly impaired by recall of a childhood incident of abuse.
They went from doing well to cowering in their bathrooms in a fetal position and episodes of uncontrolled crying. It’s an emotional volcano that suddenly erupts inside of them. These kinds of episodes lie dormant inside the victims until something triggers them. This is where affairs come in.
Childhood sexual abuse leaves scars associated with betrayal. When an affair happens, you suddenly feel betrayed again. All of a sudden, the feelings and emotions that you thought were long gone resurface and can be overwhelming. You once again feel out of control and powerless. The specter of being a victim once again hangs over you and your mind.
This second betrayal shoots through you. When going through you, it activates your previous experience (s) of betrayal. Your mind knows betrayal and recalls when you’ve faced it before. At such times, images and sensations from your past mix with the most recent betrayal. One blends into the other.
When this happens, you’re not going crazy, nor are you losing it. Your mind and emotions search desperately for ways of facing and dealing with betrayal. Your mind lumps all betrayal into one package. It doesn’t separate what’s going on now from what happened then. This is a natural reaction and method of coping with such an overwhelming experience.
I refer to this phenomenon as the ‘Second Betrayal’. It may be the first affair you’ve faced, but it’s not the first encounter with betrayal.
Childhood sexual abuse is a traumatic experience that has long-lasting effects on its victims. The betrayal and violation of trust experienced during such abuse can leave deep emotional scars that may never fully heal. This is why when faced with another form of betrayal, such as an affair, the impact can be overwhelming.
A common reaction to the sudden shock of being betrayed is paralysis. It’s as if part of you freezes up without you intending it to. This paralysis can be physical, emotional, or mental depending on how you typically cope with overwhelming situations.
That paralysis can be overcome. You don’t have to stay stuck. With the techniques I share in the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, you can move past this.
In all likelihood, there are parts of the trauma experience that weren’t resolved from your childhood. Those can be helped with the techniques as well.
Within minutes of downloading the video, you’ll start understanding the situation that has you feeling out of control and finding ways of self-soothing your symptoms.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
