Anytime I hear someone say “I’m an emotional wreck”, it tells me that the news of the affair is still pretty fresh. At this point, they know that something just happened, but are unsure about the extent of the damage done or what to do.
I believe that emotional distress related to an affair is a common feeling for many people. It represents the uncertainty of what lies ahead and the fear of facing the harsh reality.
Much like an automobile wreck victim initially goes through a time of shock, the victim of an affair goes through a time of emotional shock. At that moment, they know something happened but are still trying to sort things out. For anyone who has experienced this, there is nothing more emotionally exhausting than sitting and waiting for your spouse to come home, knowing that things just happened.
Or even worse, the other person calls and says “we need to talk“. The stress escalates as you wonder what they know or if they know that you know. All the while trying to decide whether or not to answer. And if you do, what do you say? This is all on top of the stress of worrying about your spouse and how they’re doing.
You may find yourself saying things like “I’ve tried anger, I’ve tried bargaining with God that if he just gets her home safely then I’ll never ask him for another thing again…ever.”
At the point you admit you’re an emotional wreck, providing comfortable surroundings and making sure you can breathe is important. Likewise, victims of an emotional wreck need comfort and basic needs met.
Your mind and emotions are still coming to grips with what happened. They aren’t ready to hear all about what caused it. Instead, you need someone to hear you out and be with you.
You aren’t ready for the lectures and sermons associated with adultery either. You are doing good to make it one day at a time. The time for those things will come, but it’s not at this moment.
Your world’s been shattered. You need to pull together what parts of your heart and soul remain. Counseling can help with this. It will allow you to rebuild yourself while gaining tools to deal with life at home and in the future.
In these situations, it is important to remember that healing takes time. Rushing the process will only cause more harm and delay the recovery. Everyone’s healing journey is unique and there is no set timeline for when someone should feel “better”.
You can’t expect to be ‘back to normal’ after a week or two. You may be doing good to have some feeling of a new normal in six months or longer. When you don’t have it together, it’s not time to try to sort out what motivated your spouse to cheat or fully understand what kind of affair it was.
This is also a time when you’re vulnerable. Your guard is down and now isn’t the time for playing head games or relationship roulette. As time goes on, you’ll gain clarity. For the moment, take a breath and clear your head. This is a time for getting back to the basics.
If this sounds like you, then consider downloading the video, “Handling the Affair Crisis“. It focuses on getting back to those basics and what you need during the initial days of being an emotional wreck.
At this time you need things that help you get through the day rather than focusing on all the why and causes behind the affair. If you jump into blaming and analyzing before you make it through the day, you end up making recovery tougher than it needs to be.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
Jeff
