I’m amazed at the lengths some people go in rationalizing their affairs. About the time I think that I’ve heard it all, there’s some new twist on the subject.
King Solomon is often credited with writing “There is nothing new under the sun“. On this one he was right. There is no new way of packaging it that removes the damage done to relationships, trust and families.
One of the latest repackaging of old self centered gratifications is a book entitled”The Ethical Slut“. I couldn’t even make up the absurd ideas conveyed in this volume. The book claims to promote ‘polyamory’.
Right away, I noted using the term ‘ethical’ rather than ‘moral’. Ethics these days concerns taking everyone’s feelings into consideration rather than doing what is morally right.
By using the word ethical, it sounds better than saying “Excusing Being a Slut” or “Making Excuses for Sleeping Around”.
‘Polyamory’ appears to be the new politically correct term for ‘slut’ . In previous generations the woman that willing to be with ‘anybody’ and ‘everybody’ was shunned by the community for many reasons.
She wasn’t spreading free love and self expression with her lifestyle. It was more about corrupting morals, spreading disease and ruining the neighborhood. Such persons sincerely believe they’re doing nothing wrong.
When I’ve talked with polyamorists, they view their sleeping around as perfectly normal.
They don’t see the damaged lives in their wake, nor do they see the impact in makes on communities and the generations that come after them. Sleeping around provides short sighted and selfish solutions to marital problems.
It will get your mind off of things, but it doesn’t ‘solve’ or fix anything. If it does accomplish something, it permanently damages the fabric of your marriage, your family, your values and your children’s families.
With some people, values mean little. Self-gratification and pragmatism means more than a clean conscience and good reputation to some cheaters.
A slut is still a slut, no matter how you dress them up (and yes, there are male sluts as well).
If you’re struggling with the aftermath of an affair, you need to know what you are up against and take action.
If you’re not sure of where to start turning things around, the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” is a great place to start.
Best Regards,
Jeff
8 Responses
How about this rationalization … “God told my husband to divorce me.” Actually, when the curtain was pulled back, God turned out to be the “other woman” and she influenced him that God told her they should be together. They packaged it up in an airtight “Because God said so” box. I had no voice.
Which ‘god’ …..there is the “god of this world’ who is the devil …He is in a temporary position of influence due to Adam surrendering HIS jurisdiction as a result of his disobedience at the beginning.
God does not endorse or direct anyone to break a vow …particularly the marriage vow!
I once had to confront a woman who was ‘interested ‘ in my husband .I went to her holding my new baby and sat down with her to talk. I asked her ‘Do you believe in God? ” she said “yes’ …I asked ‘ Do you believe GOD loves you ?” …again she replied ‘yes’….I asked ” Do you believe God wants the best for you?” Again she said ” yes’ ….SO I then gave her wisdom ‘ The Best man for you will NEVER be another woman’s husband’
It would be contrary to everything that the Lord of life stands for .
People like to bring the idea that in the Bible many people had multiple partners ..they are showing they do not know the word …the Bible has many records of people doing sinful things …this does not mean that GOD endorses those sins!
In truth the sinful things that are recorded in the Bible confirm that GOD is author …He had provided us with accounts of people who disobeyed His will and ended up with consequences …from Adam and Eve on through …with ONE exception ,Jesus Christ …a man who knew NO SIN became sin so that whomsoever would believe in Him and His sacrifice and resurrection would be made the righteousness of HIM .
Through Him we may be reconciled to GOD through nothing we bring to this healing of relationship.
People who believe the lies of the spirits which like to imitate or influence through lying thoughts in the minds of people who have no idea how to tell the difference are in need of the spirit of GOD through trusting in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and becoming equipped with the Truth of the Word of GOD so they can stop listening to lies which deceive and …steal , kill and destroy through error.
Hsa 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.
Jer 2:13 For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.
Rom 13:10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
So “whatever ‘ or ‘whomever’ “spoke’ to this OW …she got her info from the wrong source!!!
Zaza,
You are right. God does not want people to break their marriage vows. When people come along and say that it’s “God’s will” for us to have an affair, flashing lights go off in my head. In such cases, they are confusing their own will with the Almighty’s will. They are assuming the role of god in their own lives, rather than following God. Although many religions try to white wash it, and assuage the guilt, it does not make it right.
Scripture is very clear, that even if you are married to an unbeliever, you are to honor that marriage commitment.
In terms of the Biblical accounts of multiple spouses, it never ended up well. Such arrangements were not the preferred marriage situation. I address these issues in my e-book Adultery in the Bible, where I go into the theology behind it. Since I try to focus the blog on helping you and others make it through the affair (no matter what their background), I have not addressed Biblical accounts and the theology behind affairs in depth here beyond the need for hope and encouragement.
BTW …in the case of the woman I spoke with she called me a week later to apologize and she quit her job working with my Husband and left town …too bad the others didn’t have the same conviction
The truth is that the OW who WILL heed the Lord ‘s WORD …or maybe still may have a conscience …will not continue without much difficulty ….those who indulge in this sin are doing MUCH damage to themSELVES …they just don’t know it yet.
The devil will either draw you by temptations or push you with urgency …both must be identified and dealt with swiftly by way of learning from GOD what HE will say about all things.
I know your pain M Smith[sigh…sadly]….God is still at work…for those who are willing to continue in His Word …the world is not going to change …but those who trust in the Lord will be led by Him through His Word….
Psa 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
Isa 3:11 Woe unto the wicked! it shall be ill with him: for the reward of his hands shall be given him.
Isa 30:1 Woe to the rebellious children, saith the LORD, that take counsel, but not of me; and that cover with a covering, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to sin:
Mat 18:7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
Hugs
Zaza,
Things do have a way of working out. Although not always the way we wish. I have found that God continues to work in people’s lives whether or not they continue in His word. Being in His word is not a prerequisite for Him to be at work. 🙂 If it was, we would all be in trouble.
Thanks Jeff.
Indeed you DO do a great job of encouraging and supporting those harmed by adultery. I appreciate this help you offer.
Since I have been following the Lord for so many years …studying and serving by way of learning what HE had for me to understand and to serve everyday whomsoever was in my path …I found that when I discovered my husband’s secret double life it was such a shock that I immediately sought whatever I could discover in the Word for answers …why I did not see the adultery….how it was that my husband was ‘able’ to give himself permission to do such a devastating thing….[he IS an over achiever so I guess how he ended up with two children by his deliberate choice …should not surprise. People who are greatly skilled will do sinful things in a big way apparently!]
So I do continue to study and learn and see things more and more through the worldview lens of scripture and how GOD has provided answers.
Nothing in life is without this view …but we have a lifespan walking after Jesus to find all these things out ..and probably on into eternity.
THis makes living a lot more exciting ….how anyone is bored with life is beyond me …even before coming to Christ I had a lot of interests and was productive throughout the day with my developing talents.
So when my husband mentioned he was ‘bored’ just after our first child was born I could not imagine how that could be …with a little probing he admitted he was interested in a woman at his office at that time …this just after his mom also was very ill and died.
“Boredom ‘ seems to be one of those ‘red flags’ …when a person does not want to own up to their infidelity ..they MUST come up with some explanation . That woman heeded my words …it turned out that she was also a married woman which I did not find out until recently!
People who want to sin will always find a way to justify it …if not to anyone else ..to themselves ….sad…so much damage done.
Zaza,
Thank you for the kind words. I like your observation, “People who want to sin will always find a way to justify it …if not to anyone else ..to themselves ….sad…so much damage done.” When people are determined, they often find a way to indulge in their whims. In terms of boredom, I find that boredom stems from not being fully engaged. When your brain and emotions are not engaged, you get bored. The degree of your engagement is inversely related to your boredom (e.g. if you are only 20% engaged, there is an 80% boredom factor). Perhaps that is why God wants us to be involved with all our heart, mind and soul.
In terms of your studies, you are very well versed. You definitely have an understanding of Scripture beyond lay people and some ministers. You may enjoy Paul Bilheimer’s “Don’t Waste Your Sorrow”. It deals with the topic of pain and hurt. You may find it helpful in seeing the bigger picture of your situation.
Prayerfully,
Jeff
Thank you for the reference….I will check it out.
My walk began with such a naivety….I have always been trusting of people , giving them the benefit of the doubt…as time has gone on in my endeavor to learn from the Lord specifically while trying to keep checking out what various others brought for me to learn and consider I have had a pretty full time job to study to find out if what was shared is true and according to scripture…something I think we all are instructed to do but many obstacles in and out often hinder that .
It’s a hard way to learn but in retrospect I did not grow up with truth ..and many of us who thought we did did not either….so it is through application of the Word that I have stumbled along ..being thankful for all lessons …despite the ones that came through a series of painful experiences with people ….
God is still faithful and loving and assures of He will never leave us nor forsake us …It is my intention to keep one staying upon Him ..even though it is difficult sometimes…it is what it is.
Thanks for your encouragement and counsel Jeff.