This morning found me chasing down my escaped dog, Chuck. Chuck ran, I chased, on seeing me behind him, he kicked into high gear running faster and further. He enjoyed the whole experience, while I found it an exercise in frustration.
At one point, I thought I had him trapped. With leash in hand, I approached him. He was surrounded by hedges on three sides. He made a sudden leap, cleared the hedge and was off again. In some ways, I thought I heard him laughing at me.
For Chuck, chasing him was now a game. He was enjoying every minute I was hot on his trail.
I thought my strategy of getting him trapped was a ‘winner’ of an idea. Chuck has a way of coming up with creative escapes.
There are times that you may find yourself chasing down your wayward spouse like I was chasing down Chuck. The chase turns everything into a game. When you chase your spouse after an affair, it also turns into a game. You pursue and they enjoy being pursued.
There are many ways of pursuing your wayward spouse, from sexy clothing and alluring smells to the old standard of getting them drunk and seducing them. You may even try out loving the lover. Such ploys only give you temporary wins.
Winning means you get their attention and their physical presence. If you don’t connect with their heart, it’ll only be a matter of time before they leave again.
You may even use threats and intimidation on them. No matter how I threatened Chuck or called his name, he just looked at me and ran faster. If your spouse is anything like Chuck, you’ll likely get similar results.
But I teach something very different than that. I teach winning their heart and commitment through better connections. In many cases, this happens with minimal conflict. In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I include brain hacks designed for helping you open up your spouse’s heart without having to chase them down.
Confronting the fire out of your spouse is not going to encourage them to open up to you. You need a different approach. When conflict is waiting for them at home, they are not going to be eager to be there. Instead, you need ways of creating an environment where they do want to open up, where they do want to return home. The Affair Recovery Workshop points out what you needs and how to make that happen.
This approach is very different from others with their approach based on having specialized chase strategies hinging on “What kind of affair is it?”
Best Regards,
Jeff
