There are times I wish I had answers to all the questions that come my way along with my own. It pains me when someone whose hurting has genuine questions and I don’t have a good answer.
It’s during those times I recall that even Moses didn’t have all the answers and often had to find them out. Given that he was leading a multitude, and his response was “I don’t know”, it gives me hope.
The response “I don’t know” is actually a good answer to some questions. The “I don’t know” is always a better response than making up a lie.
One question I continue struggling with concerns affair trauma. When a person experiences trauma symptoms after an affair, I wonder if the affair itself was the source of the trauma or merely the trigger after a long stream of events.
Either way, the trauma and its symptoms are very real.
In wrestling with this question, it’s lead me into deeper understanding of trauma and its origins. One finding is that chronic neglect is a traumatizing event.
With chronic neglect, you experience a lengthy pattern of needs being ignored. Although you managed handling unmet needs when they occurred, eventually the emotional emptiness catches up.
The neglect may even be job related due to deployments or long hours on the job. It could even be hours spent in recovery or rehab related to health issues.
All those long hours impact your relationship. You may even tell yourself that it’s something that a special vacation or weekend can fix.
The truth is, the long hours do catch up. When there is a long standing pattern of neglect, whether intentional or unintentional, it impacts you. Those neglected needs are feeding a trauma waiting to happen or even plant the seeds of an affair.
Although I don’t know all the answers regarding the triggers and beginnings of trauma, I know that there are ways of settling down the effects of trauma. There are ways of getting unstuck from the state of being ‘in trauma mode’.
In the video ‘Overcoming Affair Trauma“, I share some of the ways I have found effective in getting unstuck from being in trauma mode.
Best Regards,
Jeff
