One of the hard lessons I learned from being on the receiving end of the legal system is that “life is not fair.” My corollary to that is that “Life is not fair, and neither are the courts in Harris County Texas“. Although I’d heard life is not fair all my life, the hard reality hit me when I was simultaneously being stalked and sued by the same person.
The judge was not interested in my family being stalked with frequent drive by episodes, the safety of my family nor the arson attacks on our business, nor the facts, he was only interested in “what the other party claimed” (perhaps it was because he was golf buddies with the stalker’s lawyer). When documentation of these things were offered to him, he refused to even look at the evidence and instead looked away. I learned quickly how when it comes to the legal system in Harris County, Texas, perception is more important than fairness. The judge was not interested in facts, only the reports from his lawyer buddy. I also learned that “justice is something you pay for“. You have to decide how much justice you can afford.
I mention fairness since this is a topic that often comes up with affairs. Affairs are never about ‘fairness’. They’re not fair in their outcome, their consequences, or who they hurt. Although you can count on them bringing hurt and destruction, the same can’t be said for them being fair. I need a new corollary along the lines of “Life’s not fair, the courts aren’t fair and affairs are anything but fair“.
The unfairness of affairs is often one of those things that you’ll find yourself getting angry over. When you see the lover or the cheater continuing their escapes with no remorse or hurt while you are suffering and barely getting by emotionally, it’s unfair. The happier they are, the worse the pain you feel. When you see the lover or the cheater living the life of Riley while you struggle, it’s not fair. When you see the lover doing well in their lives while you’re licking your wounds, it can make you livid. The sad reality of affairs is that they only benefit the cheater and their lover, leaving a trail of pain and destruction in their wake.
There are many things you’ll encounter that aren’t fair. It’s during those times you need to keep your focus on what’s important rather than what’s unfair. Focusing on perceived wrongs becomes a stumbling block preventing you from healing. It keeps you hurting, emotionally stuck, and possibly physically ill. It’s also important to resist falling for the cheater wanting you to be ‘fair’ with them. They were not fair with you.
If you continue struggling you may want ‘help’. You need to order my video, “Dealing with Affair Trauma” This is a good starting point for shifting your focus and moving past being emotionally stuck that comes with fairness. You need to move on with healing. The video provides you with ways of changing your focus and getting unstuck. Looking for fairness or trying to be fair only gets you stuck deeper in the emotional mud.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
