Once trust is gone or damaged, rebuilding it is challenging. Although a marriage can be damaged with as few as one bad choice or bad act, rebuilding trust is not easily or simply accomplished.
There’s no silver bullet or one quick fix thing that you can do to repair the damage of disloyalty. Assuming there is a quick fix is “magical thinking”.
The fairy in childhood stories changes everything with one touch of the wand. Real life isn’t like that.
Time is one of the ingredients in the “Trust Formula”. Trust grows when all the ingredients are kept up over time.
There are things you need to be doing on a regular basis that fosters trust. Trust doesn’t have to be gone or given up on.
Believing that that one touch or one magic moment will change everything back to where it was is a fairy story. There may be a special moment where you spouse is willing to allow you to make it right, but that’s only the invitation, it is not the actual work of repairing the damage.
There may be instant oatmeal and instant gratification, but there is no instant trust. If trust is ‘for real’, it grows over time. If it was produced instantly, it can disappear as quickly as it came.
There’s a HUGE difference between the magic of fairy stories and what you need for real trust. Sadly, many of you learned your ideas of what trust is and how to get it from movies and television.
The problem is that they either gave wrong information or incomplete information. Recall that they make products designed for entertainment, NOT truth.
I spell out specific steps needed in rebuilding trust in the video “How Can I Trust You Again?”. There are specific actions than can be taken, which with consistency will in the course of time repairs the damage.
You can know the ‘Trust Formula’ and what it takes to put it into practice.
Until you are ready to take those steps, one first needs to recognize and accept that the quick fix pixie dust for healing a marriage does not exist. It’s not found pre-packaged at the marriage counselor’s office, nor is it to be found on a cruise or special weekend out.
Those things may rekindle romance, but that’s not the same as repairing what has been damaged.
Best Regards,
Jeff
