In working with affairs, it has occurred to me that there should be a designation for”Betrayed Spouse Syndrome“. The reason for that designation is that as a betrayed spouse, you find yourself experiencing many symptoms.
Physically, you may find yourself feeling nauseous, or having little to no appetite. The nausea may range from mild discomfort to throwing up.
On finding out about the affair, you had to take something into your life that you did not want. You now have to deal with the unsettling reality of a lover and that your spouse is not who you thought they were.
Such shocking news is tough for anyone to face. When it is forced upon you, there are often gastrointestinal reactions. As part of those reactions, there is the associated nausea, gagging reflex, choking sensation and changes in appetite.
You may also find yourself experiencing low energy. This also can range from feeling run down to downright apathy. It’s not just about no longer feeling excited about facing the day, it can be so severe that you do not care about life itself or anywhere in between.
Dealing with highly emotional issues is often draining on you. Extreme emotions have extreme consequences. Intense emotions have a price tag. One of those price tags is the loss of your energy and enthusiasm.
Since your mind is often flooded with new information that you have to make sense out of, it is common to find yourself experiencing confusion.
The confusion ranges from momentary to longer periods of confusion. It not only ranges in duration, it also ranges in intensity.
You may experience confusion about some items or about everything. If you are good at compartmentalizing, you may be able to function in some areas, but fall apart in others.
There is also the loss of confidence. The loss of confidence can range from insecurity about yourself and your position to the inability to trust your decision-making in all areas of your life. When you can not trust your choices, it makes daily life a struggle.
The combination of these symptoms is what makes up the “betrayed spouse syndrome”, since syndromes are the collection of symptoms a person experiences.
If you’ve experienced these or other symptoms, I would love to hear from you. When you have been betrayed, it is not something that you can just ‘get over’ in a few hours or few days.
These symptoms also don’t mean that you’re ‘loosing it’. They do mean that you are going through a ‘recalibration of your soul and life’, it is part of the betrayed spouse syndrome.
Many of the techniques presented in the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma” can help you deal with the symptoms you’re experiencing. With just a few clicks, in a matter of minutes you could be one your way to moving past the discomfort you’re in.
Best Regards,
Jeff
6 Responses
Thank you for this article! As a former Registered Massage Therapist one thing will always remain TRUE–THE BODY NEVER FORGETS!!!!!! even though a part of you can come to understanding while you try and move through healing, every cell in your body has its own “brain”, so that even years after discovery will “sense” the violation and assault that happened to it. And YES to the Cheaters, just bcause u Acted Alone (so to speak), u took your spouse “there” with you! WHY? Because–The two shall become ONE.
Dianah,
Thank you for sharing that. The body does not forget. Hearing that from a massage therapist underscores that truth. Our mind can play tricks on us, or be fooled, but the body remembers. You are also correct on how the two shall become one. Scientists and therapists are only now appreciating this truth of oneness that has long been known.
I have experienced all of these. I found out while I was pregnant with our second daughter, I even had to get my gallbladder removed, due to the pain & nausea I experienced (2days after having baby). I have had rapid weight loss (too much to feel comfortable in my own skin), no energy & cannot make decisions easily. I believed it could be due to postpartum depression, but most of this started while I was pregnant. Especially the gallbladder issues…. the truth was I hated myself for feeling stuck & pregnant, again, by him. I am still stuck in a downward spiral, I’m irritable, exhausted, losing weight still, wondering what/when/why this is all happening. We still have not addressed & work through the affair, making me feel as though he swept it under the rug & my feelings are invalid.
Any response or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Rikki
Rikki,
Thank you for sharing your experience. The body not only remembers but also reacts. My own suspicion is that each reaction is our body telling us something that we need to attend to. Postpartum depression can aggravate things, but I agree with you, I think the affair is the biggest contributor to the many somatic issues. Affairs do literally make you sick. When your concerns are not listened to or validated if can aggravate an already painful situation.
I hate that your spouse is unwilling to address or start working through the issues concerning the affair. He likely is trying to sweep them under the rug and ‘get on with life’ as if nothing happened. Although he wants to put it behind him without a closer examination your symptoms are a clear indication that the issue needs his attention. Your body is definitely saying that your feelings are real and in need of validation. I have found that turning a deaf ear to what my body is telling me is always a bad idea. Those symptoms are there for a reason. I always try to listen to what they are telling me.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
It has been almost 4 years since my ex husband and “still ongoing” girlfriend..Left a wake of devastion being..ending both marriages simultaneously with an exit affair. I never saw it coming. The children in both marriages suffered greatly. I thought I would die for such mental, physical and emotional devastation brought on my daughter and myself by these people.
I hid in shock..then when shock wore off I numbed out with alcohol..Finally I asked God for help..and HE ALONE has restored and continues to restore our lives. The only ONE that remains close to the brokenhearted and FULLY binds up our wounds..IS JESUS CHRIST..I forgive them as well and pray that they ask forgiveness and recieve the freedom from guilt that my God shed blood for..The enemy comes to steal , kill and destroy…Us , our marriages..our peace…the ONLY way to overcome is to leave it at the cross..and ask the Lord to intervene
Tonya,
Thank you for sharing your experience. You have definitely been through a great deal. The shock and denial are definitely obstacles that are not easy to move past. It sounds like you have found a solid source of healing. It sounds like you have discovered the meaning behind Psalm 147:3 “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” it is one thing to talk about that kind of healing, it is quite another to go through it.
It is not by accident that the term brokenhearted is often used in talking about affairs. When you loose your spouse, you loose part of yourself, and feel the pains deeply in your heart. You may even feel that you are broken or shattered. Some people even describe it as being crushed. That brokenhearted hurt often has to be healed before any work on the relationship can start. I have seen so many people hurt by trying to understand and analyze the affair, the lover, etc. BEFORE taking care of their own brokenheartedness. The brokenheartedness needs to be taken care of first.