A major part of affairs concerns fantasy. In some ways, an affair shares similarities with a connect the dots game, except with affairs, many of the dots you want to connect are missing. One area where they are missing regards the ‘other woman’ (or other man). Although the infidel reports being in love with them, oftentimes they know very little about that person. They know how they feel when they are with that person, and those internal sensations often over ride common sense and keep them from seeing what is actually going on. While in the midst of the fantasy, the other person is viewed as ‘the person who completes them’ or ‘the love of my life’ or ‘my ideal woman’. Even in the language used to describe the other women, there are themes of incompleteness that will only be satiated when they are with their lover. The lover in many ways becomes an idol which the infidel views as all their hopes, their salvation, their purpose, their completion. What they do not see is that their fantasy lover is a figment of their imagination. They do not see the other woman for who she is. They do not see where the relationship with the lover will actually take them. They often do not know much about that person’s past.
When things really get out of control, they marry their lover, only to be surprised when their lover has an affair on them. At that point, they wonder who it was that they married. They ask themselves questions like “How could she do this to me?”. When such situations occur I often want to remind them that they are being true to their nature. They were not loyal to their first spouse, they disregarded your previous marriage, so what made you think they would change? The person did not get to know the lover for who they really were.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
