One of the politicians in the news regarding affairs is the Australian office holder Barnaby Joyce. Allegations of affairs have surrounded him for the past few years.
I figure that he’s safe to talk about since I’m not from Australia, don’t know his policies and am only interested in lessons learned from his affair.
Although it’s not news that a politician has an affair, what makes Barnaby’s situation noteworthy are his comments. He made the statement that his affair “I would say morally wrong, in that my marriage [was] breaking down, but that is not a judgment for another politician,” he continued, “If it’s illegal, it is a judgment for police. If it is something else, it is a judgment for priest or pastor … it’s not the job of another politician or a person who’s not the police or some sort of moral guidance counselor to be in judgment of you.”
His comments sound very similar to cheaters who take the position of “Who are you to judge me?” You may have even heard those same words.
With his comments, he deflects the comments made regarding his affair with an employee. He doesn’t want his peers speaking out about what he did, nor does he address the ethical concerns surrounding it.
I find his comments instructive. He shows the twisted logic of cheaters justifying what they did. He acknowledges the immorality of his acts, but turns around and justifies what he did.
This is a common stage with cheaters in excusing what they did. One of the steps they go through is morally rationalizing what they did.
He admits having the affair, but tries making those who attacking his reputation seem at fault. He also avoids mentioning his lying, breaking of promises and bad faith. He doesn’t want others judging him in what he did.
Rather than facing the wrongness of their actions, they attack those confronting them. Under the claim that it’s none of their business, they dismiss their critics.
This is dangerous for public officials, since their public lives are a public matter. When you’re paid by the public, you’re accountable for what you do, whether you want to face it or not.
In previous generations, a noble man would be shammed by what happened. Instead of politicians, there would be statesmen speaking out on moral concerns, since one’s character and personal morals shape their decision making.
The good thing is that cheaters can change their ways. They make choices about whether to change their ways or dig in further in making excuses for what they did.
The big obstacle that keeps them from changing their ways are those with the mindset of “Cheaters gonna cheat.” That kind of mindset is closed to even the possibility of change.
Making excuses for the affair doesn’t make it right. Generating excuses only lets the cheater put some mental and emotional distance between what they did and the reaction of others to it.
If your cheater is performing their version of Barnaby Joyce in excusing things it’s time for action. In the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”, I guide them through the needed first steps in recovering from what they did.
With a click and download, they can start making important changes in their lives.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
