One of the important lessons I’ve learned in working with affairs is the importance of looking at what people do rather than listening to what they say. When you start looking at what they’re showing you rather than what they’re telling you it changes you.
At that point, you see the ‘real’ situation. Cheaters know the power of well crafted words. First they start by fooling themselves with smooth sounding words, then they use them on you.
They may even talk about their higher values or vision of the future. They know how to get you to buy into their fantasy.
Rather than fall for their words again, take a hard look at what’s actually going on. What’s the evidence there in front of you?
The best illustration of this was when a philandering roommate of mine was caught cheating by his current girlfriend. He knew he was caught.
She caught him, there in the apartment where he and I lived at the time. She was furious on finding out what he did.
Since his bedroom was next to mine, I had a ring side seat.
When she angrily confronted him on his cheating, he turned to her and said “Tell me what you want to hear and I’ll say it!”
On seeing the drama unfold in front of my eyes, I said to myself “Don’t fall for it, don’t fall for it.” To my surprise, she fell for it.
She told him what she wanted to hear. He said what she wanted and they continued their relationship for the next few months.
Later that evening, he bragged to his friends about how he handled her and his being caught cheating. This wasn’t his first time, nor was it his last.
His statement and her reaction have stayed with me for decades. It showed me that some of you want to hear smooth talk when it comes to affairs. What’s worse is you want to believe what you’re being told, even when your eyes tell you something else.
If you want to believe what you’re being told, even when the evidence tells you something different, this is not the place for you. If, on the other hand, you want the truth rather than smooth words, you’re in the right place.
When dealing with an affair, you’re dealing with deception, lies, smoke and mirrors. Things are said to distract and soothe you. This is why you have to look at what they are doing. If they’re serious about things, you’ll see the evidence.
I also know that it takes time knowing what to look for. It takes time to accept the truth after you encounter it. Part of you doesn’t want to see it or admit it.
If you’re struggling with accepting the truth, consider downloading my video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”. It guides you through the challenge of continuing on with life when you encounter the unpleasant truth of an affair.
With help, you can make it through the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
