Assuming that you have managed containing your anger, which I addressed in part I, you are now ready for more ways of dealing with your anger.
Before you reduce or remove your anger, there are several steps to take.
First, learn what your anger is teaching you. Our emotions are the gauges of our emotional health. The level of intensity is telling you something. Before you reduce, understand what it is telling you.
Anger is often part of our defenses. Anger defends us against threats both internal and external. In the case of your anger, what is it defending you against?
Anger was your body mobilizing for action. When it mobilized, what was it reacting to? If you can mentally replay what triggered your anger, the point where the anger intensified suddenly is typically the trigger.
The trigger provides clues as to what you are reacting to.
Was it the hurt, the betrayal, fear of the future, being lied to, fear of being replaced, or something else? These are some of the more frequent triggers. Knowing what triggered your anger will let you know what issue or issues are the ‘hot buttons’ for you.
Knowing your triggers is important in regaining control of your life, and your anger. Rather than stumbling blindly and having your anger go off indiscriminately, know your triggers (or hot buttons).
When you know these, you will know what issues need to be addressed. You can waste a lot of time and money fixing things that are not broke or are not causing you pain. The anger is part of your emotional detection system that alerts you to dangers and threats. You do not want to silence it, or numb it out through drugs, alcohol or even more sex. You want to listen to what it is telling you.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
