In Holy Scripture we’re told to hunt for wisdom as if hunting for gold. My search for wisdom regarding issues related to affairs has taken me to many places and brought me in contact with many people.
Since gold is found in some unlikely and barren places, it follows that wisdom is found in some barren experiences as well. At times, it comes via observation, and other times through conversations or contemplation.
After losing my father, I looked deeper into the experience of loss. One of the things I’ve considered is what I have missed out on and lost. This happens when you lose someone prematurely.
Losing him in an unnatural way helped me see the wisdom contained in a quote by the researcher Robert J. Ackerman related to affairs. When I first heard the quote, it didn’t strike me as insightful. With more contemplation, it made more sense.
He said, “The pain is not in realizing being a victim, it was when they realized what they lost.”
Having lost my father, I understand what he’s getting at. Being a victim of loss or an affair has its own pain. The biggest part of your pain is not what you just experienced, but rather in the realization of what you just lost out on.
Those intangible moments that could have been, yet didn’t happen are hard to let go of. There’s also the loss of the security and enjoyable times. A big part of the relationship loss I face now is dealing with what was lost.
A big part of your struggle will be in considering what you lost with the affair. Relationship loss is painful.
You consider all the things that could have happened in your relationship. Those loses are a bitter pill to swallow. Those loses are also one of the obstacles that require effort to forgive.
Letting go of what could have been. Letting go of the relationship that didn’t happen is tough. Not only is it tough, it’s messy. It brings up many unpleasant emotions and ugly thoughts.
If any relationship is real, it’s messy. Relationships have ways of making your life very messy.
When a relationship is worth keeping, forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing.
Forgiveness doesn’t give you back all of what you lost. It provides relief along with getting your heart and mind back. It brings healing to you as you go through the loss.
When you are ready for forgiveness, the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” gives you the how behind forgiveness. It’s one of those videos you’ll have to repeat again and again, as you take forgiveness to deeper and deeper levels of your being.
Forgiveness doesn’t bring back all that was lost. It doesn’t bring them back whole. It does help you carry the burdens and make your journey easier to handle.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
