In the days I worked in a hospital I was part of a team. Since there were fellow therapists on the team, we developed camaraderie in working close together.
One of my fellow therapist often made reference to ‘...the ties that choke and bind”. Although Daryl’s no longer with us, I fondly recall my memories with him.
I often think about his phrase ‘the ties that choke and bind’ when dealing with the topic of trauma bonds. While listening to clients or responding to emails, one seeing potential trauma bond situations, my mind recalls Daryl’s voice saying ‘the ties that choke and bind’.
Trauma bonds, like handcuffs or zip ties constrain what you can do. In this case, the restraint is not physical so much as it is emotional. They may not physically restrain you, but with looks, words and threats, you are kept tied down.
Those bonds constrain your thinking and your actions. You feel limited by what happened to you. It’s as if you’re in a prison you can’t see.
I find that the trauma of an affair triggers old memories of past traumas. Since trauma is cumulative, the affair may have brought just enough stress in your life to activate those old trauma bonds.
Once activated, you feel like a hostage. At those times you become immobilized in many ways. It’s not that there are literal guards outside your cell. Your own fears and memories act function like guards in keeping you contained.
Trauma bonds also keep you in unhealthy relationships. The bonds keep you from leaving or even seeing options. Like a ball and chain, your freedom is limited.
Even though you can’t see the bonds, the power of them is very real and debilitating as well.
If this sounds like you, there’s hope. One place to start in dealing with them is by downloading the video on “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. It provides ways of moving you out of being stuck.
It gives you ways of escaping the trauma bonds holding you back like chains.
Imagine the possibility of getting your mind, emotions and life back. You can start that possibility within a matter of minutes from where you’re at.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
