One of the old humorous sayings in the 19th century was “Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it”. When the saying first appeared in an editorial in a Connecticut newspaper, it was unsigned.
The quote has been attributed to both Mark Twain and Charles Warner. Apparently, people talk about the joke, but no one takes credit for it either.
It is said that Mark Twain had his office in Hartford, Connecticut. The saying has become a well-known quote from the 19th century, but it is questionable whether or not he actually uttered the words. Now in the 21st century, people are doing things about the weather, yet it was not always that way.
I mention the weather joke since when the topic of affairs comes up, everyone talks about them, but few people do anything about them in making serious changes.
I made this observation in the aftermath of attending a funeral. While in the receiving line, I was asked what I do. On telling them that I help couples recover from affairs, I received some affirming responses followed by some version of “people need that”. Something struck me about this particular interaction.
Perhaps it was their tone of voice or the circumstances. Funerals have a way of changing how you look at life.
It struck me that affairs are discussed the same way medical conditions like cancer are discussed, with hushed voices and little self-disclosure. Affairs are like the weather, everyone talks about them, but no one wants to do anything about them.
This is not to minimize the pain and devastation that affairs cause. It is simply an observation on how we as a society deal with this issue. We need to talk about affairs more openly.
In a way, we are afraid to talk about affairs out of fear that it will happen to us. In this respect, the topic is analogous to talking about cancer. It’s something you don’t want to talk about if you are not affected by it.
It amazes me how affairs are viewed as something that others need help with even when your own marriage may be at risk. Few of you want more affairs, yet are you going to do anything about them?
Are you making your marriage stronger? What are you doing that alleviates your spouse’s secret fears? Do you even know what your spouse’s secret fears are?
What are you doing that affirms and validates your spouse? Do you know the best way of validating them?
Every day your marriage is either getting stronger or weaker. The good news is you can make your marriage stronger now. We have to change the way we think about affairs and what we do about them.
If you’re not strengthening your marriage, then by default, you’re allowing it to atrophy.
You can’t fool yourself into believing that you’re strengthening a marriage if the people in it don’t feel good about themselves.
We are responsible for strengthening our own marriages, and others have to do the same. Affairs become possible when we neglect our responsibilities and commitment as spouses.
Most of you wait until your marriage is in crisis before taking action.
Perhaps the old joke needs rewording to say, ‘Everyone talks about having a good marriage, but no one does anything to improve it” (at least until a crisis comes).
Today is a good day for changing that. You can do things that strengthen your marriage. The “30 Days to A Better Marriage” program guides you through steps that improve your marriage relationship.
You can do something that makes your marriage better. When you follow it for the 30 days, you’ll find power in your marriage that you never imagined.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
