One of the things I don’t like about rain is how it warps wood. Anytime I leave wood outside exposed to the elements, it twists and turns into something I never imagined. I’m reminded of this every time I open the door to my chicken coop. The door which opened so smoothly now requires a little effort and holding it in a particular way to make all the locks and latches work.
In a similar way, infidelity puts unnatural pressures on your marriage. When marriages are exposed to unnatural forces, it warps things. When relationships warp, nothing works as it did before.
That warping also means that some parts of your relationship require effort. It also means that the betrayed spouse is now in sexual competition with the lover. Loyalties are warped. Priorities are changed.
Whether or not creating problems was intended, it’s there. This is one of those unnatural things that happen with affairs. There’s no denying that affairs are a type of betrayal. And, like all betrayals, they come with a cost.
You are put into a competitive situation that you shouldn’t be in. You are competing against the lover for the attention of your spouse. Instead of competition, you and your spouse should have been finding ways of growing closer.
Instead of growing closer, you’re now trying to get attention and love that should have already been going toward you. If you feel that you shouldn’t have to be in this situation, you’re right.
Although you shouldn’t have in competition, that’s the position the cheater put you in. Although you’re now competing, as the spouse, you have the advantage.
The problem is that most spouses don’t realize they have the advantage or know how to use that advantage to their benefit. The deception and lies confuse things.
The cheater has an unfair advantage because they’ve been dishonest. They know things about the relationship that you don’t. They know what your spouse wants and needs. They know what turns your spouse on sexually without having to perform routine home responsibilities.
While caught up in the confusion and delusion, you feel helpless and weak. You face the choice of giving into those lies or doing something about it. Instead of playing the victim card, make the most of your position.
One of the things you can do is click and download the Affair Recovery Workshop. It guides you in unlocking communication and changing the patterns in your marriage relationship.
It could be that all you need is for someone to point you in the right direction and remind you of how to use the tools you have. You’ll find them in the workshop. Click and download your copy today.
This is a good time for taking back your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
