When I constructed my Affair Recovery Survey, I included items related to suicide and homicide. Although these aren’t pleasant topic for consideration, they’re important.
As a clinician, I heard mention of suicidal or homicidal ideation from clients dealing with affairs. I wanted to know how often those things happened with other couples dealing with affairs. I knew it happened, what I didn’t know was how often it happens.
I also knew from going through crime statistics the danger of spousal violence and suspected that many suicides had connections with infidelity. What I didn’t know was how strong that connection is.
When the results came in, the findings surprised me. Yes, people experience suicidal and homicidal ideation associated with an affair.
As uncomfortable as it was, the respondents admitted experiencing these thoughts.
Those thoughts were found in about 1/3 of those responding to the survey. Many of those with those thoughts were defensive or evasive about it.
So if you find yourself having suicidal thoughts related to the affair, you’re not weird or sick. If anything, you’re experiencing an intense personal hurt.
The more energy you invest in the hurt, the larger and more intense it grows.
What those findings showed me was that suicidal ideation is a very serious concern. It let me know that affairs hurt people. Affairs are not victimless recreation between two adults.
Those hurting need help. The hurt it brings is very personal and very deep. It’s not a temporary hurt. Instead, its’ a life changing wound. For some, it’s a life ending wound.
Although the media and movies paint a picture of affairs being adult recreation and not hurting anyone, the survey results made it clear that the media lies about adultery. The media spreads myths which hide the intense pain that adultery brings with it.
You don’t see the rejection, abandonment, alienation and gut-wrenching betrayal very often. The trauma that affairs bring is hidden behind the glitzy romance.
If they told the truth, one of the major subjects of their movies would lose its punch. If you saw the ugly truth, you wouldn’t want anything to do with infidelity.
Sex sells, but extramarital sex sells something you don’t want to buy.
When hurts are that deep, you need serious help. In the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, you can find ways of moving past the intense hurt rather than it haunting you for years on end.
If the affair happened years ago, it will still help in putting those bad episodes behind you. Rather than letting the affair continue its torment, take action and move past the trauma.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
