In studying yesterday, it occurred to me that when it comes to lying, the image of a road or pathway is often used. You find references to the “way of lies” in literature.
I realized that when it comes to cheaters, the metaphor fits. Cheaters don’t just stray into one or two lies. It’s a way of life for them.
The image of a road or path conveys that the liar has been doing what they are doing for a long time. It’s an ingrained and well-worn habit. Rather than just wearing down a trail, they’ve instead laid down a highway.
It’s a way of life for them. It’s how they get things done.
They live a life surrounded by lies while thinking nothing of it. When a person lies long enough, they think nothing of it. They’ve lost their sensitivity to the wrongness of lies.
Think about it, you have to literally catch them in a lie for them to have any remorse. They are no longer remorseful for just the mere telling of one.
They have to be caught red handed in order to show any remorse. Even when they’re caught, they’re often more remorseful over getting caught, than having done wrong by lying in the first place.
In such cases, they experience embarrassment over getting caught rather than remorse about what they did in the first place.
The desensitization that occurs with lying often spreads to other areas. They loose their emotional sensitivity to subtle things.
They become course and unfeeling over time. Lying starts the process of emotional death on an installment plan. Although it sounds harsh, it is an accurate description.
Think of the long term liars that you know and consider how many of them are emotionally insensitive. For them, lying is not just a way or path, it has become a rut they can’t crawl out of.
They’re stuck in a way of living consisting of one lie on top of another. Even when they justify their lies claiming ‘good intentions’, they remain stuck in a way of living sharing more in common with death than life itself.
Liars also have twisted thinking. They consider the craftiness of their lies. They take pride in a well constructed lie.
There’s an unhealthy joy experienced when one of their well crafted lies are accepted. It’s as if they are taking the pride of a craftsman and applying it to misdirection and chicanery. They have no shame in what they did, which a moral person would.
The whole moral system of seasoned liars differs from others. Their sense of right and wrong is based on intentions rather than actions. What motivates their actions and what they tried are valued more than what they actually did.
If you had good intentions in lying, you are still a good person. If your lie helped people, it’s considered a good thing. If your lie kept someone from a hurtful reality, it’s considered good.
Liars have a different road in life. They live differently and think differently than non-liars. You’ll need to realize that.
It’s a mistake to thinking they are like you. They are different. They think and operate differently. Assuming that their lie was just an error is fooling yourself.
Lying along with believing lies is a big part of affairs. That’s why there’s a whole section on telling yourself the truth in the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“. In recovery from an affair, recognizing the truth along with telling yourself truths instead of lies is an important part of early recovery.
The lies may be smoother on your ears, but what’s going to bring change and healing is dealing in truth.
Best Regards,
Jeff
