Resisting Temptations

In moving past the affair, the time will come that you and your spouse will have to address the issue of resisting temptations. Since temptations often attack in many different ways, it is hard to know what way you or your spouse will be tempted. What you can do is to strengthen those areas where you or your spouse are weak. If it is visual stimulation, you can train your eyes to look elsewhere. If it is flattery, you can train yourself to resist when you are being set up with flattery. If alcohol is your weakness, you can make changes in where you drink and who you drink with. If taking trips out of town is a weakness, steps can be taken to strengthen that as well.

Learning how to resist seductive speech can be quite a challenge. Some seducers are experienced in knowing what to say and how to say it. They often use a mixture of flattery, phrases that have double messages, and predictive language (e.g. you know you want to …, later we can ….., etc.). Such tools are powerful. When such techniques are combined, they can prove very effective. Experienced seducers know how to set up response sets, use guilt and other emotional factors to leverage their victim into doing whatever they want them to do. The area of psychology dealing with Neuro-Linguistic Programming has addressed many of the ways you are seduced everyday. In most cases, it relates to being seduced into buying things. When those techniques are in the hands of a seducer, they can be very dangerous. You may need to learn what those techniques are and how to combat each of them.

One general way to resist temptation and tempting speech is to be active in your mind and body. Be thinking and analyzing rather than just passively taking things in. When your mind is passive, you are easier to seduce. You are more at risk of being manipulated because you are just reacting and not thinking. Learn how to think and evaluate rather than just reacting.

Best Regards and be en garde (on guard) over the holidays!

Jeff Murrah