One of the lines that shows up a couple of times in Monty Python and the Holy Grail is “Run Away!” The ‘run away’ option is used when they can’t find a solution to their problem.
There is something odd about seeing men in armor running away from a situation in panic. Their arms go up and start flailing as they scramble out of the situation they’re in.
Affairs by no means are fun and games, although like the knights in the movie, the ‘run away’ option is often on your mind whether or not it’s the best option for you and your family.
Anytime there’s a safety issue, violence or deep sexual addiction, running away is your best option. In these circumstances it’s about self-preservation and protecting the family.
Where the running away isn’t your best option is when it’s the most convenient or easiest choice. When running away is about convenience rather than self-preservation, it deserves some more thought. Consider whether or not it will make anything better.
A reader facing a tough situation wrote: “We have 3 children together and I am stuck in a terrible place mentally and physically. I would give anything to pack my belongings pretend he doesn’t exist and move away from him and just start my life over. Although I’m sure no matter where I end up I can’t escape my mind or my thoughts. He’s ruined my life. ”
The reader has the remarkable insight of seeing that she can’t escape her mind or thoughts. Running away won’t fix those issues.
Running away doesn’t solve anything. (The exception being when your there is a danger to your life or your family. In that case, running away is the preferred option).
The cheater is still the father of her children. He may have failed as a husband, but that doesn’t automatically mean he’s failed as a father.
She also sees that the cheater is responsible for what she’s facing. He made choices that damaged the relationship between them along with damaging her emotionally and mentally. Those kinds of hurts need to be worked through.
Pretending that the cheater doesn’t exist is a form of rejection. It rejects not only what they’ve done, but also their humanity and existence. Given the nature of what the cheater did, it’s a common reaction to want to ignore them or act like they don’t exist.
Although it’s a common reaction, instead of bringing healing, it pushes the hurts down deeper. I understand how with the choice of having an affair, it rejects you. They preferred someone else to you.
It’s a deep hurt when your spouse prefers someone else to you. It’s a clear sign your marriage needs attention and work.
At the Restored Lifestyle site, you’ll have access to the program on handling your Affair Crisis. Knowing what it takes in those first few weeks is important for your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
