Ever since the mountaineer George Mallory quipped “because it’s there”, the phrase entered public consciousness. In cartoons, songs and as a snappy answer to questions, it continues being repeated.
The phrase is often associated with taking on large challenges. It’s also been used by cheaters in long term relationships.
George Mallory’s quote kept running around in my head on considering a reader asking “Why do men stay in long term affairs?”
The real answer as to why they stay is long term affairs isn’t so simple. The answer varies from situation to situation. Anytime someone staying in a long term affair, there’s an element of either being trapped or following routine.
The real decisions are made in starting the affair. The longer the affair goes on, the more it operates on automatic pilot. The cheaters get into a routine and stay stuck in it.
The initial choices are made with the affair. With the long term affair they continue what they’re familiar with.
In some cases, the cheater is trapped, be it by their choices, circumstances or a conniving lover. Each of those three ‘C’s’ can keep a cheater locked into their situation.
By staying in the long term affair, there is a stability and routine. The longer they stay in their routine, the harder it becomes in making changes.
Discovering the why behind staying in a long term affair gives you an answer. If you want a better understanding of your long term struggle, consider what needs are being met by the long term affair.
If needs weren’t being met, they wouldn’t stay. On uncovering the needs underlying the affair, you’ll have a better understanding of what’s in the mind and heart of the cheater. Knowing what their needs are gives you better insights in knowing what you’re dealing with.
One of the things that is clear is that the cheater needs to make some changes. Knowing what those changes are and finding the strength for them is challenging.
In the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery“, I discuss the important changes needed. The challenges of making those changes is amplified with a long-term affair.
Allowing things to remain unchanged only allows things to continue as they’ve been going. The affair is “business as usual“. Change is possible.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
