As my wife and I drank our morning coffee, I brought up how the idea of ‘being a good person’ /’being good people’ has changed over time. In previous generations, being a good person was about being mannerly and responsible. During that time, affairs were viewed as ‘irresponsible’ behavior along with being bad manners.
Like many of the social rules, the rules surrounding what makes a good person have changed as well. These days, being a ‘good person’ is no longer about being responsible. In modern culture you can be very irresponsible and still be viewed as a ‘good person’.
Manners have also shifted from treating people in a civil manner to the modern idea of treating people without any microaggressions. Culture has gone from using titles of address and showing respect to being non-offensive. Manners are no longer about treating people right or wrong, but instead about being bland and non-offensive.
Our discussion of how being a ‘good person’ gave us many things worth pondering. Such conversations often happen around here as we consider how this impacts you and your marriage.
In previous generations, showing disapproval of your spouse’s affair would be expected. At that time, good people did not have affairs, since it was an irresponsible act. Part of being responsible meant that you shunned such things and did not condone them.
In today’s culture, the rules have changed. In some segments of society you may be viewed as a ‘bad person’ because you refuse accepting the lover or the cheating behavior. Your non-acceptance amounts to holding onto outdated values that continue a tradition of right and wrong when it comes to morals.
You may even find that your intolerance of the affair suddenly makes you an outsider of sorts. You become an ‘intolerant affair-phobe’. The cheater may even use your non-acceptance of their irresponsible actions as you being ‘closed’ to their openness. (Today’s culture likes using open and closed as ways of expressing ideas).
So yes, things have gone so topsy-turvy that in some parts of today’s society “Good people accept affairs”.
You don’t need to panic. There are some counselors that still believe in the institution of marriage and helping couples recover from affairs. An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage. It also doesn’t mean that you’re no longer a good person, or that your spouse is no longer a good person. It does mean that your marriage needs serious, powerful help in terms of repair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
PS-If you’re looking for help in getting past the effects of the affair, you will want to consider the Affair Trauma Webinar. You’re not a bad person because you have trouble getting past the affair. You’re not a bad person, because someone keeps playing mindgames with you. Start moving past the trauma and enjoy living again.
6 Responses
Is 30:10 Which say to the seers, See not; and to the prophets, Prophesy not unto us right things, speak unto us smooth things, prophesy deceits:
2 Ti 4:3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
So there it is…political correctness driving the mental trends by emotion..feelings…flesh
Fitting in is demanded..conforming for comfort
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
One of the most offensive activities of satan through culture is the pressure for children to become acclimated to sin through pressure to accept adulterously formed relationships in a “blended family ” which redefines morality according to the demands of flesh and the lust of such disregard for Gods original definition of love and marriage and thus what a family is
Nothing formed my man and stamped with the definition of love and marriage which is in direct rebellion to Gods intent and purposes is with you great damage to all and an affront to God Almighty
This arrogant attitude of today’s humanist doctrine has destroyed countless lives
Zaza,
It’s good hearing from you. I’d never heard of viewing blended families (I prefer the term fractured families since, there is often little if any blending at all). I had not considered how they redefine morality. Good insight on your part.
Your reference to ‘fitting in is demanded’ is also fascinating. I was reminded of this yesterday when taking a walk with one of my sons. He shared a story how a political operative of notoriety chose his affiliation based on the members of that party being easier to manipulate and control via ostracism. All you have to do is threaten them with ‘not fitting in’ and they comply.
That says quite a bit when you can control people by threatening to ban them for not fitting in rather than moral standards. I s’pose it makes sense when inclusion is now more prized than morality in some circles.
Corrections…”formed by MAN”
“Nothing is WITHOUT damage…”
The underground History of Anerican Education “by John Taylor Gatto does and excellent job of recording the effort by the U.S. Government to “raise up a population of people easily led”…that was the goal as they proceeded to get women to leave their God given charge to be keepers of the home and train up children ….they worked through propaganda to cause women to be framed as not fulfilling the “potential” and not contributing to society if they were “just a housewife ”
His effort was to not only gain the free access to indoctrinating the children generation upon generation but also provided another way to gain a taxable income …sort of a two for one from each intact marriage
The devil has always been at work to get people to willfully break through the protective boundaries by being deceived into believing it was a “better deal”
Our government asked the scientists of the time to design a way to indoctrinate the next generation as the Prussian government to had done…..manipulation to “group think”
The devil had observed as man was created and knew the ways God had provided for man to walk free …by the renewed mind
The mind and the fallen carnal state of man is no contest for the deceitful ways the Prince of the power of the air works to draw man out from the protection of obedience to God which the knowledge of the rightly divided word provides
So if he cannot get the person to stay unsaved he will work hard to get a born again person to neglect the study of the Bibke and/or get him to become attached by way of affection for personalities to heed false teachings
Either way the Lord records His people are destroyed because of lack of knowledge of His word or having a “broken cestern” which is a false teaching based upon a twisting of the scriptures as they are to be rightly divided.
Applying what is “for our learning “as if “TO” the church denies dispensations clearly set within the scriptures
Also to misapply the directives as if prescriptive sis another way believers who are I learned or ignorant of the Word are rendered ineffective in how they walk by faith…for applying error or misapplying what is true both weaken and destroy many people’s trust in the Lord
Jesus told us to “continue in His Word” that we may be trained or disciples of His indeed!
We must “eat our own bread” just as we cannot live the physical life if we do not eat food ourselves …we cannot live and walk by the Spirit if we do not “eat the bread that came down from heaven” by way of obeying the Lord to read..study and rightly divide Hisove letter to us…..the Word. Of God is he spirit of the Lord for us to know
Then we will have peace with God no matter what goes on around us
When you KNOW the Truth of what the word says for yourself from study with His guidance as you taken in His Word ..then you will be free to the extent you have Hjs word abiding in you
I know from experience that spiritual weakness and inability comes when we needy the study of the Word or we accept as gospel truth what someone else may claim
Be a Berean and we will grow up on the Word which Jesus told us is Spirit and it is life
Oh so many errors from typing on the phone…..”needy” was to be “neglect” for one
The phone don’t is so tiny when using my phone!
Sorry about that…my laptop is not functioning …or as that ad says when the couple greets their grandkids with a stack of electronics…..”oh good to see you!…..none of this works…” As they pass the stack to their grandkids astonishment”
So funny but true…..if I live another lifetime on this earth I seem slow to catch up on the gizmos of this age!
Awk ! “Don’t ” was to be “font”