In addition to being a counselor, I’m also an amateur historian. There are times when these two areas overlap. One area where they overlap is when I research propaganda techniques. Understanding the methods used in organized disinformation campaigns is enlightening.
Back when I started in the field of psychology, learning about brainwashing was required reading. I went from basic brainwashing to the advanced stuff in terms of understanding propaganda techniques.
One of the techniques used by the propagandists in pre-war Germany consisted of changing language in a way that desensitized people to what was going on. If you ever wondered how could someone do horrid things to others, the answer lies in them being desensitized to those things first.
By using technical terms for highly emotional and moral issues, the propagandists took the sting out of unsavory and immoral behaviors. This also made immoral actions seem routine, ordinary and mechanical. I recalled this Nazi propaganda trickery while reading some recent research on infidelity. The researchers looked into dating apps, as Tinder. The researchers found people used them to find “extradyadic partners.”
Even the selection on such apps is similar to purchasing merchandise. You simply scroll down for the one you like and make your selection. Tinder now also includes features that allow family members or friends to pick your dates. There’s nothing like a family-friendly app being used in breaking up families.
I suppose that ‘finding an extradyadic partner’ sounds better than looking for a hook-up or finding a lay. Even the cheater introduces their lover as their girlfriend or ‘friend’. I have yet to meet a cheater who introduces the object of their adulterous affection as “My extradyadic partner“. Such techniques are popular with the intersectional crowd who intentionally attempt to reshape society’s values.
The researchers took out the term ‘cheating’ along with adultery, infidelity, and disloyalty. Additionally by calling it an ‘extradyadic partner’, they remove such labels as homewrecker, cheater, adulterer, lover, playmate, hook-up, and co-conspirator. Extradyadic partner makes it sound scientific and moral-free. Like atoms linking up with stray electrons, cheaters now find someone outside of their marriage to have an extradyadic relationship with.
It turns infidelity into a series of dyadic relationships. It’s as if you’re talking about atomic bonding rather than human relationships. By making it sound scientific, it takes out any suggestion of sin. It removes any sense of moral responsibility.
When such word games are used, I wonder “Are they hiding what they found or is it about taking the moral sting out of infidelity?” Cheaters are great at their word games. Studies like this fit perfectly into the twisted thinking in cheater’s brains.
When you confront your spouse about their extradyadic partner, it doesn’t have the same impact as confronting them about the homewrecker they are cheating with. The switching of terms takes the moral and emotional sting out of cheating and ‘normalizes’ the behavior.
What you call the affair is important. It frames your affair recovery from beginning to end. In the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis” I deal with how important this is.
If you are facing an affair, you need clear thinking. You need clear, unambiguous terms for what happened and who the players are. Using propaganda terms confuses you and your communication.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
