Over and over the media repeats some variation of “We’re in this together” or “Together at home” or even “Together, together we can choose a different path“. The sentiment sounds good. It leaves you feeling supported and no longer alone. During the pandemic, the phrase was repeated often. When infidelity infects your marriage, the opposite is what’s true. The affair itself screams “We’re NOT in this together!”
The affair makes it clear that the two of you have different agendas. The cheater is looking outside your marriage, while you are looking at holding the two of you closer together.
When you wake up to the fact that the two of you aren’t in this together, it leaves you feeling alone and unsupported. The weirdness comes when the cheater starts talking about ‘togetherness’ when their heart isn’t in it. When the cheater talks ‘togetherness’, it should send off warning rockets and flashing lights to you.
It would be nice if the media’s message of togetherness applied to marriages that have been shattered by infidelity. But it doesn’t. In fact, it can feel downright hypocritical.
At those times, you face tough choices. Do you believe what your spouse is telling you? or do you believe what they’re showing you?
It’s important considering what they do and what they say. When both are in agreement, you can start believing them, when they don’t agree, you’re being deceived.
Even more weirdness happens when the cheater actually believes what they’re telling you while their actions say otherwise. Those kind of weird situations will leave you feeling like you’re going crazy. Even though you’re not going crazy, the communication patterns create an alternate reality.
Addictions and affairs only work where there are contradictions like these weird situations of double-messages. Those kinds of double-message, double-dealing ways are guaranteed to leave you feeling confused. It’s when you feel confused that you’re vulnerable to being manipulated.
One way you can start digging your way out of the crazy making is by telling yourself the truth about what is going on. Don’t accept the lie “We’re in this together” when their actions tell you something else.
The affair is a wake-up call letting you know that the two of you are anything but ‘in this together’. You may be ‘together at home’, but their heart isn’t together with yours.
In the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”, I guide you through those early days of the affair. You can know step by step how to start telling yourself the truth and start healing.
Accepting the lies only keeps the wound festering. It keeps you and them from healing.
Part of you may want to accept the togetherness lie since it sounds so good. It may even be what you’ve been wanting. Making choices based on wrong information is only going to give you wrong solutions.
Instead of falling for more lies, start telling yourself the truth and download the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
