It would be nice if disagreements between spouses never happened. It’s only in fantasies where spouses just smile and nod in agreement to every concern that comes up between the two of them.
In healthy marriages, there are disagreements. The big difference is that they find ways of solving or handling their disagreements. Although many problems can be fixed, there are some that just have to be lived with. Actually, most of the disagreements are about things that have to be lived with.
There are some arguments that are just going to happen no matter how much you love each other. It’s important to remember that these disagreements don’t mean you’re not compatible, they just show that you’re two different people with different opinions. The key is to find a way to compromise and work together.
In handling disagreements, you find yourself tempted to say and do things you typically wouldn’t do. At times, you may even say something that you wish you could ‘take back’.
The problem is that once you say it, the damage is done. You may attempt smoothing things over, but you actually said what you said.
No amount of “I didn’t mean it” or “That came out wrong” is going to erase what was said. What was in your heart of head at that moment came out.
When the thing you didn’t mean to say is about having an affair or sleeping with someone else, it’s time to hit the brakes. When adultery comes out of your mouth or your spouse’s mouth, It indicates that adultery is in their heart.
It’s especially concerning when one of you makes a suggestive snarky comment about “Why don’t you just sleep with that old girlfriend of yours!” Those kinds of comments set things in motion that have a tremendous impact.
What you say in those moments of anger, whether it’s an off-hand comment, accusation or threat damages your marriage relationship. This kind of damage can’t be taken back.
It can be forgiven, but it will always be remembered.
When your marriage is damaged by those things, it needs help. You might not see all the damage done in that moment. Even though you don’t see the damage, you’ll feel its effects.
At times like this, you’ll benefit from the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions” which addresses the relationship needs at those times.
You need ways of communicating without damaging your marriage. If you always end up doing more damage than healing anytime you have serious talks with each other, you need this.
Saying “I take that back!” makes you feel better, but it doesn’t heal the damage done by what was said.
Find out ways of moving past that in the video. Just click and download the video to start your journey to healing your relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
