At a conference I attended, the presenter made a remark which has stuck with me over the years. He said, “No one leaves a good lover except a sex addict”. This is one of those statements that has more meaning as I meditate on his statement. One of the truths that I have realized is that when a spouse is content with their partner, they do not look elsewhere for their needs. When the needs are being met at home, there is no reason to look elsewhere.
One of the fallacies concerning affairs is the belief that “something is wrong and an affair will fix it.” Affairs seldom solve anything. Cheating only serves to distract and create other problems. The affair only serves to change the battlefield and who the antagonists are in their struggle in facing reality and needs for intimacy.
When a cheater leaves their spouse, assuming that their sex life was healthy, the possibility of a sexual addiction is something to seriously consider.
The hard part of the saying involves getting honest with oneself and ones spouse concerning whether or not they were a ‘good lover’ and what it means to be a good lover. The definition of a good lover often changes between your twenties and your forties. It will also be important for you and your spouse to share a common definition of what a good lover is and how each of you want and need to be loved.
Here’s to good lovers.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
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