If you ever pick up one of my books in my library, they’re filled with notes and underlined passages. Over the years, I’ve developed a system of stars, exclamation points and comments that guide me through them. This means that anytime I pick up the book again, I can navigate right to the noteworthy parts. My squiggles and line guide me through the pages once again.
The symbols and squiggles used each have their own meaning, like road signs directing me. In my mind, the underlining, comments and note taking helps me squeeze the most out of what I read.
These tools also help me find noteworthy quotes and phrases where the author eloquently expresses an idea.
One quote that I marked by Scott P. Richert was “Language was once a tool for expressing truth; now, it is merely a weapon for winning arguments.”
His comment has many applications these days. I find his comment exceptionally fitting when it comes to arguing with cheaters. Too often, the one with the best narrative or story wins rather than the one telling the truth.
They argue over whether what they did was an affair, what to call it and whether it needs further discussion or not. In each of these areas, words are used that either hide the truth or more frequently used like a weapon in an argument.
Some words they use like swords, others like hammers and some still, like saw blades. I’ve even encountered words and phrases used like grenades, knives and bombs.
When words are used like that, getting to the truth about what happened gets lost along the way. Like useless baggage, it’s tossed from the conversation.
Sadly when conversation switches from uncovering the truth to winning an argument, it brings out the worst in both of you. Each new argument only picks up where the last one ended.
This begs the question “When the affair comes up, is there a discussion that uncovers the truth or an argument each of you tries to win?”
If your situation is one filled with more argument than truth, you would benefit from the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”. It guides you in making your way through the maze of words and word games that impedes affair recovery.
Think about how much smoother recovery from the affair would go if the two of you worked together in uncovering the truths about what happened rather than hiding it and competing with each other instead.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
