You know the frustration of getting your spouse to talk about what they did. It seems that everything that you have tried has failed. They either avoid the topic completely or refuse to talk about it at all. Their avoidance leaves you feeling frustrated and about to explode.
It may have been weeks, months or even years since the two of you honestly talked about what happened. The tension of not talking just magnifies your pain and the burden you are carrying.
So, how do you get them to talk?
The #1 of getting them to talk is to listen. When you listen, do not interrupt them, do not attack them, do not invalidate what they tell you, do not call them a liar, …just listen.
You may have thought you were listening. Your spouse knows when they are being set up by you. You may call it listening, but they know better. They know how well you claim to ‘listen’ to them. They know from experience what you really mean when you tell them that you want to ‘talk’. They may have been interrupted, argued with, discounted, and discouraged to the point that they know that you really do not want to listen, you are looking for ammunition.
This time, listen to what they are saying. Listen to their thinking, their emotions. If you ask questions, limit them to only clarifying what has been said, NOT those questions intent on interrupting or arguing.
If they are not talking, there is a good chance that you are not really listening as well as you thought you were.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
PS.-I will be hosting a free webinar on Wednesday covering “How to cope with a cheating spouse” at 7:00pm CST. Register for the webinar here. It will be available by phone and on the web.
