Although it seems an odd question to pose, some couples caught in affair situations do not make the choices and changes necessary to save their marriage.
Instead, one major offender is that they make choices that keep the existing patterns, and the associated pain going. It is almost a matter that it is easier to deal with a familiar pain than to face the unknown associated with making changes to the relationship. Sadly, the familiarity of routine or “we have always done it this way” is more important to them than to change their routine or relationship.
It is common for the hurt spouse to bemoan their circumstance, yet resist efforts to change it. At that point, they are attaining greater payoffs for maintaining their pain and martyrdom than are offered by modifying their relationship.
The other major offender is that of pride. Instead of swallowing pride, admitting mistakes and being willing to hear their spouse out, they prefer to maintain their pride. Rather than seek help, they will try to do it on their own. They will deny that there are any problems. The assumption is that they just need to ‘suck it up’. Like a Hollywood movie, they hope for a miraculous ending or divine intervention rather than make changes. Holding to pride, even religious pride can become a stumbling block to saving your marriage.
So that brings me to the question, “Do you really want to save your marriage?” In order to save your marriage, you may need to change your thinking, your behavior and your attitude, even if it costs some pride, and discomfort as you make the needed changes.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response