It amazes me how cheaters can tell their spouses that they can’t afford marriage counseling. When you want them to get help, suddenly there’s a limit to what their funds will allow.
When they were busy cheating, they managed finding the money for playtime. When they were indulging in porn, they found the money.
Suddenly, when it comes time for changes, the money dries up. Now money is a limit for what they can do.
It shouldn’t surprise me though. Cheaters are resourceful in finding ways of attaining what’s important to them.
The money didn’t matter during the affair, yet suddenly it becomes an obstacle when in recovery. What was a minor mole hill during the affair becomes a mountain of an obstacle when it’s time for recovery.
The cheater is caught up in a physical world. They focus on sensations and physical things rather than the emotional or relational realities.
They initially don’t see the damage done to the relationships around them. They don’t see the damage done to trust. They don’t see the soiled reputation.
Relationships, trust and reputations are as real as finances. These areas need attention and repair.
Confronting them about these matters is frustrating. They have blinders on and can’t see some of the effects of their actions yet.
The cheater will make time for what’s important to them. Their resourcefulness needs redirecting.
It’s only when you are able to express this issues in a language they understand that things finally start clicking with them. When it happens, it’s like a light goes on.
In the recovery community at Restored Lifestyle, you can share with others who are finding ways of confronting that work in getting the cheater’s attention.
Best Regards,
Jeff
