Where I live in the Texas hill country, there are many conflicts over water. Anytime there’s a community or public meeting, if the topic of water comes up, you can rest assured there will be a fight.
Even now, one member of the local property owners association insists that the solution to the water problems we have with flooding in my neighborhood is requiring everyone have a culvert installed under their driveways.
The scary thing is that he sincerely believes that his solution is what will work for all the homes, even those without drainage issues. In his mind, if everyone installed a culvert, the issue would be solved.
Now that he’s on the association board, he wants to require it be done. Let’s just call him “One Solution Sammy.”
His one solution won’t fix every drainage problem. Nor do affair recovery solutions that only have one option. What works for one couple is not the solution for all couples, especially when it comes to affairs.
Handling affairs driven by love or sex addiction is very different than those driven by revenge or paybacks. The one night stand is very different from the long term affair. Although they share many aspects, they require different solutions.
The one solution approaches let you know what worked for the person sharing it. They give you what worked for them with the assumption that “It’ll work for you as well.”
Their solution may or may not work in your circumstances. This is where looking for help from those who are experienced in dealing with the many aspects of affairs is important.
You also may need a support group as well. At the membership site, Restored Lifestyle, you can find others who are going through similar struggles, while finding answers to some of the specific problems associated with the affair you’re facing, whether as the betrayed, the one who strayed or someone caught up in a mess beyond their control.
Your situation likely has unique pieces that the books by the experts don’t cover. It may be that you have a disability or history of being traumatized or even a spouse with special issues that are seldom if ever mentioned.
When bad things have happened to you in the past, you look at the affair and recovery from it differently than those who haven’t been through what you have. This means that the ‘one solution’ approach won’t work in your circumstances.
Beware of the ‘One Solution Sammy‘ approaches to affair recovery. This means using that one special technique of pushing ahead neutrally won’t fix it all. Different problems require different solutions.
You’ll find articles, forums and insights on a site that protects your anonymity. You can also discuss the more sensitive issues in depth with others who know the pains.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
