My father’s death triggered many reactions inside of me. Some I’ve been able to express and some were deep feelings that took a while in dealing with them.
My initial reactions very intense, yet have faded over time as they’ve been dealt with. There were some moments where feelings came upon me unexpectedly. The waves of grief overwhelmed me at times while going through the grieving process. One such moment happened as I was sitting in the driver’s seat of my car. I heard a song on the radio that brought my attention to it and I ended up having a cathartic release right there in the car.
His death led me to recall and review many things about him and myself. Although I have worked through the bulk of my grieving, there are some spouses that handle such a loss differently. Many are consumed in grief over losing their loved one and never come out of the darkness. My heart goes out to them as I can’t imagine what it would feel like to be trapped in that kind of pain.
For some, the death of a parent has them not only re-evaluating their lives, and their parent, but also their marriage. The death of a parent and the vulnerability it brings has triggered some spouses in having affairs. There have been some that came out of the affair, others who ended up leaving, and still others who left their marriage but stayed in the church.
They may have never considered it before, but that death changed them and their view of marriage. The sudden emotional shock and vulnerabilities it exposes has them re-thinking whether or not they want to continue the way they are. Although a marriage may outwardly look good, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t problems. For some of these spouses, they have likely been quietly dealing with those issues for some time and that death has created the mental opening to consider whether or not the life they are living is what they want.
You may have had a good or decent marriage. For the straying spouse, they decided that they want something more in their life than the marriage.
So if your spouse had an affair after the death of one of their parents, it’s not unheard of. This type of trauma is jarring enough to shake things up in a major way with the affair. It’s a rare case, but it does happen.
Not every grieving spouse has an affair, although some do. They are emotionally vulnerable, making choices based on what they feel without considering the consequences. I know people who have told me that they cheated on their spouse soon after they lost one of their parents, and then later came to regret the decision.
Those times when you’re emotionally vulnerable are high risk for an affair. The extreme emotional vulnerability that comes with a parent’s death is very high risk. This is why a lot of women who lose their mother later have an affair. There’s a vulnerability that comes with the death of a parent, and widows are at an even higher risk than divorced people or those whose parents are alive.
Whether you’re the one who had the affair or the one who was betrayed, understanding and dealing with such a trying situation is overwhelming. This is where you can benefit from the video on ‘Overcoming Affair Trauma’. Although made for dealing with affair trauma, the instruction applies to other trauma situations as well.
You can make it through tough times, when you have the right tools.
The death of one’s parent is traumatic enough, but if you’re dealing with an affair after such a loss, then you have a lot on your plate. The intense emotions brought about by the trauma can lead some to take extreme actions and thoughts.
If you need some more intensive help. I recently had a couple of slots in my schedule open for those wanting intensives and online counseling. Email me if you’re interested in this package.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
