When a reader wrote me in response to a post dealing with how the cheater grooms their target, it jostled me. She wanted to know if the grooming could be considered a form of assault.
It definitely shines a new light on the old term of “hitting on someone“.
I’d never considered the situation from that angle before. I hadn’t seen grooming through the lens of being a type of assault.
Technically, for any action to meet the legal definition of ‘assault’ there has to be a threat of bodily harm. Although grooming and seduction involve head games, there’s not always a threat of bodily harm.
I also know that courts these days are inconsistent in their definitions of many things. How courts define an action doesn’t always line up with common sense.
Being trained as a therapist rather than as a lawyer, I look at the relationship dynamics rather than whether or not an assault occurred.
The tricky part is that the target being groomed often cooperates with the seducer. In my mind, the relationship is often dance-like. Each party has moves and counter moves as part of the seduction.
Some seducers know ways of talking and pacing themselves in such a manner that the target is in a trance. Once in a trance state, their level of resistance is lowered.
When in a trance state, ideas are easily implanted, making them think they want what’s going on. This is similar to getting the grooming target intoxicated prior to seduction.
It would be appropriate referring to grooming as a form of courtship dance. When you are a dance partner, things get blurry in a hurry. The person taking the lead changes the direction and moves in the dance.
When the target being groomed isn’t doing it voluntarily, the question of assault is valid. They may not want to be doing what they’re doing.
What’s clear is that once an affair happens, there are consequences. Whether it was entered voluntarily or deceptively, the affair disrupts your marriage relationship.
Repairing the disruption caused by the affair is important. It’s not something you can dismiss by saying “it happened” and do nothing about it.
In the recovery community at Restored Lifestyle, you can share and work through the many confusing and puzzling aspects of affairs. You’ll also have access to videos and resources designed for helping you through the recovery process.
Best Regards,
Jeff
