The news of an affair is shocking. It turns your life around. When you are blindsided, there is the shock combined with confusion which makes for a hellish experience. When you know what you are dealing with, it does not lessen the pain, yet it takes away the confusion. Somehow when you have a road map of how the cheater thinks and what they are doing, it makes the situation survivable. Having this kind of information gives you a firm foothold in a world where everything you encounter is often slippery if not slimy. Having a place to start gives you a starting point from which you can recover.
When you do not know what you are dealing with or have allowed yourself to be caught up in the cheater’s world of lies, recovery is more about wandering lost through a nightmare, where you do not know friend or foe. You wonder if the floor will be taken out from under you, and if you are in financial problems, there are not even the resources to buy your passage through the mess.
Some cheaters thrive on keeping you in the dark, confused and broken. When are in such a state, you are easier to manipulate. They can lie to you and in your state of desperation, you will believe whatever they tell you. In such a situation, you become more of a slave than a spouse.
In an effort to throw you a life line, I am putting together a series of articles on understanding the thinking of cheaters and dealing with them. You will not have to stay in a state of helplessness and desperation. This collection of articles should be a fine addition to my previous e-book on understanding and rebuilding trust. I will keep you posted on when it is available on either the website or through Kindle. My resources include an e-book on how to recover from an affair, another on the most frequently asked questions about affairs, and one focused on how to deal with the children after an affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
Oh….I know …I’ve got and oldies but goodie for your book ..
.How can you tell when they are lying ?….[wait for it …you know what I’m going to say …]
His lips are moving …..[or HERS…”equal opportunity” sin these days!]
Sounds like interesting reading …looking forward to it….
GO TEAM JEFF!
Zaza,
With many cheaters that old joke is more true than I would like. For many, lying is their way of doing things. I spent most of the day working on the new e-book. It contains some good material on the role of fantasy throughout the affair process, including the fantasies of both the cheater and the spouse. It also touches on the connection between fantasies and lying.
Fantasy is more dangerous and powerful than people imagine. I think that you will find it of interest.