This morning I was struck by a comment left by a woman on one of my pages. The comment was “some never trust“.
Her comment was in response to my offer of helping to rebuild trust. Although it’s sad that some give up on any hope of recovery and rebuilding trust, she has a point. Some people never do trust.
Instead of trust, they resort to using control and guilt in their relationship.
Al least she recognizes that her situation is a lost cause. She knows that some people aren’t trustworthy and never will be.
She’s also acknowledging that some betrayed spouses are unforgiving. For them once trust is gone it’s GONE.
There comes a time when you need to say “No” to healing your marriage and rebuilding trust. There are times when a response of “No” is better than ambivalence.
Although I believe many marriages can healed and marriages improved, I also know that firm answers are better than being uncommitted.
With ambivalence, neither you nor your spouse are sure of where your relationship is, where it’s going and what the future holds. With a ‘No’ response, you are no longer left hanging regarding the status of your relationship.
With a firm ‘no‘, both you and the cheater know where things are at. A ‘no’ gives each of you permission to move on with life. It’s also more honest than uncertain or delayed responses.
Using ‘not now‘ or ‘I’m not financially able right now‘ amounts to saying your marriage is not your top priority. The cheater didn’t make it a priority either.
Delaying doing something about recovery puts each of you into a state of uncertainty. You are unsure whether there’s a future for your marriage.
Uncertainty puts stress on you and them. You don’t like uncertainty from them, and they surely don’t like it from you.
Marriage is about commitment. Are you serious about recovery or not?
Do you want to heal your marriage, and rebuild trust or not?
Answering those questions will give you closure and you can finally know with certainty what direction your marriage is headed.
If you’re serious about recovering from the affair and healing your marriage the support community at restored lifestyle is filled with helps, from forums to articles to resources. Help is there. The question then boils down to where are you? Are you in or out when it comes to affair recovery and rebuilding the trust in your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
