In keeping up with affairs and the latest findings, trends, etc., I read many relationship blogs. Some are enjoyable, some are confusing and some have a take a no prisoners attitude. I find that the wide variety helps me see the issues from various viewpoints.
One of them which I find entertaining at times and at others infuriating has cartoons. One of the cartoons is “The Forgiveness Troll.” The troll is both cute and ugly at the same time, which is characteristic of trolls.
This particular troll asks the question “Why you no forgive?” Although I enjoy the troll, it’s message bothers me. It suggests that forgiveness is about the cheater and focused on the cheater. I suppose in some ways, the selfishness of the troll comes through in the cartoon.
If you think forgiveness is about the cheater, your ideas concerning forgiveness are dysfunctional. Forgiveness isn’t about the cheater, it’s about you. It’s about letting go of the hurt and anger so that you can move on with your life. It doesn’t mean every relationship will be fixed, but it does bring peace to you.
So don’t let “The Forgiveness Troll” lead you astray; forgiveness is an important part of healing a broken heart. Remember, it’s not about the cheater, it’s all about you! That’s something even trolls can appreciate 🙂
By accepting forgiveness you are taking responsibility for how your actions have affected those around you. You are acknowledging that even if a mistake was made, there is still hope and understanding within the relationship or situation. You must decide what needs to change in order to reconcile differences and avoid future mistakes.
Not only is it about you letting go of your pain along with putting the trash behind you, I find that most people forgive prematurely. They go through the forgiveness process before they even have a clear idea of what they’re forgiving.
When you don’t know what you’re forgiving, you can perform your ritual on any troll.
Forgiveness is also something that doesn’t work when someone demands it. It’s not an emotional slot machine that automatically pays out when you pull the handle.
Nor does it work when some ‘expert’ puts you on a guilt trip for not forgiving on their timetable.
For grins, I consulted my son’s D & D manual regarding trolls. It points out that they are difficult to control, demanding, and do what they please no matter who they are working for or with. They also don’t function well in society and devour whatever they catch.
In comparing trolls with some spouses, I see similarities. I also see how living with someone like that is challenging and exasperating.
There are some spouses that demand you forgive them along with many other things. They devour your time, emotional energy and patience. They also see to it that their needs are addressed before yours.
Without realizing it, the cartoonist really conveyed some relationship truths with the forgiveness troll. Forgiveness is good, yet it is something that only works when freely done rather than on demand.
If you aren’t clear on what forgiveness is or how to go about it, the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” will help you gain a better understanding of it. The video guides you through the whole process concerning letting go of the emotional trash you’ve been carrying.
Life’s too short for carrying around resentments and emotional relationship trash. There are ways of taking it out of your heart and head.
Click and order your copy today. Within minutes, you can be on your way to shedding some heavy burdens that have been weighing you down.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
