When it comes to dealing with affairs, you’ll find there are double standards. The first being how affairs are often viewed as more acceptable for men to have than women, the second being how affairs are dealt with in the media.
The second one you may not have heard of as often, yet it becomes as much an obstacle as the first.
This second area is what I refer to as “The Other Double Standard“. This Other Double Standard is how the popular media culture often uses affairs as a form of entertainment and voyeuristic thrills while at the same time, the topic is considered “too taboo” to discuss in advertising or in social media.
If not viewed as “too taboo”, the subject is often considered edgy or ‘too risque’ by some consumers.
The double standard of using the same event for entertainment while treating public discussions of it as risque creates an schizophrenic environment about affairs.
Is it acceptable for you to discuss or not? Although you can view it, if you dare show images of such things like an affair on facebook or other social media, you risk being ostracized.
Consider how many affairs start on facebook. Yet, my experience is that when you attempt discussing it, the censors consider it ‘adult’ material and limit who you can talk to about it.
This part of the double-standard poses challenges in addressing the issue. There is a huge disconnect of one branch of media saying “this is acceptable”, while another branch tells you that “it is in bad taste to discuss infidelity in an open, honest manner”.
This is one of the reasons that it is hard for some of you to discuss the matter openly. If I made a movie about what you went through, it could be shown, yet if I dared to discuss it honestly in some branches of social media, it would be shut down or shunned.
What that means is that the pressure you feel inside, like you are about to explode, having to keep so much to yourself, while the movies, music and other venues continue glorifying what you are suffering through will make you feel crazy.You know it’s wrong, but the movies and magazines make it sound alright.
You’re not the crazy one, the “Other Double Standard” is what’s crazy and schizophrenic. If you are old enough to remember the song ‘Hotel California’, there were references to how you could check in but not check out.
That song is a great metaphor for This Other Double Standard. You can be exposed to infidelity for entertainment, but you better not want to discuss it or want out from it in a public forum.
Another irony is that some of the prim and proper people who ‘take offense’ at honest discussions of infidelity or its portrayal often change their stance once it happens to them.
Those who at one point were never heard using vulgar language find themselves using vulgar terms, descriptions and cussing rampages when it happens to them.
Such a reaction makes sense, given that many sexual traumas are extreme and often take people from one extreme to another. You are not crazy, you are just dealing with some wild extremes in your life.
Just be aware of the “Other Double Standard” and realize that the standard is crazy, not you.
If you feel overwhelmed by the ‘Other Double Standard’, then the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” is something you’ll want to have. It helps restore you back to ‘normal’.
Best Regards,
Jeff
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