There may be times that you do not want to forgive the cheater. What they did hurt you. You hate what they did and everything about it.
The affair brought pain into your life. Many types of pain. Pain related to rejection, pain related to loss, pain related to fear, pain related to loneliness, and the list goes on.
There are many hurts and many pains. Those aches and pains in your body are telling you something. The stomach cramps, indigestion, heart palpitations, increased blood pressure, muscle aches and sleeplessness are screaming out that you need to forgive.
Your body is telling you something, whether or not you decide to listen to it.
When you are surrounded by such pains, it’s hard to conceive ‘forgiving’ the cheater. You may even choose to use your hurts as an excuse for not forgiving them.
You may tell yourself that the hurt was too big or that they don’t deserve it. Those excuses may confuse your brain, but it doesn’t change anything.
By holding onto the pain of your wound, you are not hurting them. You are bringing more pain into your own life than into theirs.
Although it is hard to separate who the cheater is from what they did, you will need to do that. You will also need to forgive them. God never designed you for carrying pain over a long period of time. You’re not equipped to do so.
When you choose to take on that kind of pain, you are not designed for it and there will will be consequences. These consequences are not about you being punished by God, when you hold onto the pain, you are bringing that consequence onto yourself. Rather than punishing yourself, you need to let go of the pain.
The video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear Down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” guides you in letting go of the pain. Rather than carrying the burden another day, it’s time to make some changes and start healing.
Best Regards,
Jeff
One Response
Yes it is part of each day ….but it is also one of the things that as you follow Christ you realize that it can be useful to distract from the glorious future with the Lord and the ‘work’ of the walk right here and right now.
I sometimes get weary of ‘waiting ‘ on the Lord for my husband to break free of the captivity of the darkness that he has around him. His heart so cold and hard against the forgiveness and deliverance which is stealing precious time away from his own life which COULD be going forward to ‘lay up treasures in heaven’ instead of allowing the ‘treading of water’ that seems to be what he is doing day after day as he rejects forgiveness from GOD and from me and our family.
This kind of stalling is not just his choice …but it is an indication of how a person is held from entering into LIFE and living it fully because sin has borrowed it’s way into them.
Now two years since he has been sleeping upstairs…as I keep the option open to restart a relationship with him which he seems sad to refuse but unwilling to step out of doing all that he “FEELS” like is ‘right’.
How deceptive this is …wherein satan has used so many deceitful ways to enslave those who do not know the Lord and want to remain without the information that could confirm the truth offered to them by the Lord through the Bible …and through an honest searching out the things of GOD for themselves.
Some cling to lies thinking they will not be accountable ..either because they have been led to think God is love and thus is not also holy and just and will require of them an accounting OR they have bought the lie that there is either NO God or no accountability or eternal existence.
In today’s post modern world there are many anti biblical ‘scholars’ who know not the truth …even some who seem to know scripture but do not have it ‘in truth’ as being a believer trusting in Christ would supply understanding as provided by the Lord’s powerful comforter and counselor .
Jhn 16:13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.
Someone once said ‘ The bible is not written for unbelievers’ …and scripture pretty much confirms this …
1Cr 2:13 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
I asked my husband recently if he was ready to live life ..having put off life for the last six years following D DAY .,..he lives in a sort of limbo …not really enjoying anything …not even the children he invests himself in …for whatever small portion of the day or week he can. His state is sad …he used to have such an appetite for life…now he hopes to pass away …just to ‘get it over with’
I do pray for him to be awakened and delivered ..I do deal with sorrow but am not going to expect to live by the distraction that the Devil enjoys trying to steal our joy with …I am going on with following after and learning more and accepting corrections from the Lord .
No one escapes the need of growing and being instruction in righteousness…and it is good to be aware that there is an ongoing process of the walk as well as deliberate consideration of what we have to be thankful for…..Not to be in denial …but to be deliberate in living IN the things the Lord offers while I wait upon His work for the sake of His glory and my husband’s deliverance and healing from his past which haunts him .
Dealing with it would do him a world of good …and I hope in that day for all of us ..