Today, May 2nd is “Infidelity Hurts Awareness Day”. It’s a time when awareness is raised about the pain cheating brings to marriages. I thought it a good time for addressing a common question about infidelity and its relationship to mental health.
Many of the inquiries I receive make my heart ache. It’s as if I feel their pain through their comments and emails. Their words express deep wounding.
Spouses, like yourself, searching desperately for answers to their situation. They find themselves in a situation that doesn’t make sense to them.
The truth is, infidelity takes a major toll on you. It can cause anxiety, depression, and severe psychological damage. Even if you have previously experienced trauma in your life, the shock and betrayal of infidelity can be more difficult to process.
A recent inquiry was looking for an answer about “mental health issues causing married women to cheat”. Their wife cheated and they want answers to what caused it. Their first assumption is that it’s a ‘mental health’ issue.
Jumping to the immediate conclusion that mental health issues are behind the cheating gives them someone or something to blame. In their desperation they want someone or something to blame other than their wife.
There are some situations that mental health is clearly a factor. Take for instance the trend of teacher-student affairs where the student is under aged. Even though mental health questions come up, the better question concerns “How are you going to deal with the affair?”
There’s also the implied message that “If you cheat on me, you’re crazy!” You may think you’re a wonderful catch, but having an attitude like that creates problems in marriages.
When your wife has a mental health issue causing their affair, it puts you in bind in finding how to deal with it. In such cases, “Are you going to stick with them as they struggle through their mental health issue?”
Do you know how to get your marriage back to where it’s healthy again? It’s not going to magically fix itself.
When it comes time for repairing your marriage, do you even know what tools to use? Yes, it requires communication, yet my experience is that many husbands aren’t the great communicators they think they are.
If you’re struggling with whether your wife has a mental health issue or not, it’s best to have an open and honest dialogue about it. Take the time to understand what she’s going through, and if needed seek professional help. If there are mental health issues causing her affair, then together you can find creative solutions to heal your marriage.
Communication is more than just expressing yourself. If you think that all it takes is making your message clearer, you need help.
You also need ways of connecting with your wife. They need to know that ‘you get them’ and understand their needs, even the hidden, unspoken ones.
If you’re struggling in these areas, I encourage you to click and download the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”. In the video, I go over ways of improving how the two of you really deal with each other.
I also share ways of connecting with your spouse to where you discover what their needs are. If this sounds like something that will help you in your search, download it and start the needed repair work today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
