One of the risks associated with business travel is that of affairs. When some cheaters are ‘out of town’ they take advantage of being unsupervised. Although they are adults, many times cheaters do not act like responsible adults.
In some cases, the out of town spouse is bored. There are also situation where too much alcohol or drugs contributes to poor decision making. There are also those scenarios where people they work with take advantage of being unsupervised and made advances when they otherwise would not have.
Regardless of the reason, the risk for affairs with out of town spouses is high, especially if they have a track record for affairs or near miss affairs, and are prone to drink to excess. It may not necessarily be they initiate the affair, someone else may do the initiating, taking advantage of the circumstances.
Affair relapse is always a potential risk when they have had an affair before. Once they have taken the risks associated with an affair, it is not the formidable obstacle that once existed. They may have to work up the nerve for that first affair, but after that, it becomes easier and easier.
If you are the one who has had an affair, then business trips are potentially risky for you. You need to recognize the risks and take steps to avoid dangerous situations.
Some of the things you can do.
- Avoid high risk situations, like being alone in a bedroom with someone of the opposite sex.
- Avoid strip clubs or sexually stimulating nightclubs.
- Stay in contact with your spouse. They are your lifeline. They are not your parent, whose permission you need, but they are your spouse who wants to see you succeed. This is especially true if there is a risk of affair relapse.
- Avoid excessive alcohol or drug use.
- Maintain business manners and business attire. Handle all interactions on a professional level. Manners and modest dress can prevent unwanted advances.
- Have a list of people you can call when you are tempted to cheat (include spouse, friends, sponsor, pastor, etc.). If one person is not available, call the next one on your list.
- Avoid situations where you are overly tired.
- Take care of yourself by eating healthy and getting enough sleep.
- If you are at risk for affair relapse, have a relapse prevention plan http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/relapse-prevention.htmin place before you go out of town.
These items will help you reduce the risk. The risk will always be there when you or the cheater is out of town. Learning how to minimize the dangers is critical to avoiding affairs or affair relapse.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
3 Responses
Just still reeling …..my daughters and I pulled up to a stop light and looked over at my husband who happened to be driving next to us ….and there beside him was another woman….a DIFFERENT on that the one he had the children with who he now hates….!
When I finally heard from him he told me that he ‘told me when he moved out two years ago that he would not be back…and that he started dating this woman about a YEAR ago!
So many lies he has told as we still believed he was alone…and the most difficult thing we had to deal with was his having bought a great dane…and our financial short fall due to all his running around and having a secret life!
He told us that the woman we saw him with thinks he is divorced!
He said he did not have the courage to tell me …or our children…and now he has to find a way to tell this OW!
I cannot imagine if this is true that she does not realize he is married….that he will also tell her he not only cheated on his wife and is still married but that he has another woman he cheated long term with and had children with !
I realize the world has gone to hell …quite literally on it’s way …probably sooner than some have any idea..
But this is one more astonishing reality !
Just because a person SAYS they are not going to act like the married person that ARE …UNTIL DEATH …which does not change just because they SAY it …nor because it may seem most people think nothing of marriage vows…does not make it SO!
One day everyone of us will stand before the Lord and give an account …this truth does not seem to phase him
Though I did remind him that this is dangerous for all of us …and himself …and even the OW who may not also realize he is a STD carrier.
Madness is afoot!
He told me a while ago that he “hates’ the first OW who he had children with …but I cannot imagine how SHE might feel knowing he is not divorced to me and does not have any contact with her…or so he says and after their 14 years…and NOW he has ‘left’ his wife for yet another woman
I think these women ought to know what they are dealing with …but I have stayed away from all of them….who knows what kind of blow up that may become.
I think he preys on women who are needy and have been hurt.
In the past he seemed to not like strong women who were in his industry ..he would feign admiration but something tells me that perhaps he HATES women and does these kinds of things to seduce them but dangle them once they fall for him
This is so sad that my daughters who are the essence of kindness and gentleness have had to come to see the true man he has become.
Without malice I have observed his ways around them…it seemed to me he was just drawing them in to get them to not think badly of them…but now I think they have come to their own conclusion ….his ‘sorrow’ is hollow.
Zaza,
Thank you for writing. My initial reaction was one of being stunned. I found myself asking “How could this happen to her?” How you and your daughters discovered this latest wrinkle in things is gut wrenching.
Your comment, “I think he preys on women who are needy and have been hurt” may be very accurate. The way you describe things, it definitely sounds like he is ‘on the hunt’. I suspect that his victims each wanted to believe their own version of who he was.
Your comment, “Madness is afoot!” is more accurate than I would like. Everything is being driven by passions and emotions. There is little rational thinking, logic or higher thinking going on at all in what you describe. Madness is an apt description. Everyone living in their own world with one man in common.
“One day everyone of us will stand before the Lord and give an account …this truth does not seem to phase him” is also very true. There may not be justice or resolution to the situation you are in until that day. I suspect that he is not phased by that accountability, since at some level, he does not believe it will happen. He is definitely not living like he believes it will happen. Forgive me, but his junior high school romancing shows more in common with adolescent values than adult values. The junior high approach is further underscored by his not letting people know he is a STD carrier. He poses a public health risk, yet does nothing about it.
You are probably the only link to sanity in his life. It puts you in a tough spot. In so many ways, he has put you in the role of caretaker or mother while he is doing his irresponsible things. He is not treating you or interacting with you like a wife. I do not know how you have avoided feelings of anger or malice. Even Job had his moments of rage and lashing out.
I wish I could send a shoulder to cry on in your direction. I continue lifting you and your family up in prayer as you face this challenge. The more I hear, the more clearly I have started seeing your pain and struggle.
Your daughters are blessed to have a mom like you.
I find myself still reeling from your post. It has my head spinning. I can only imagine the severity of such an episode.
All My Best,
Jeff
Jeff
How grateful I am that you seem to have much understanding of the pain of such behavior as well as knowledge of a vast number of ways people subscribe to sinful choices with what seems a lack of thought…but then with the history of what I have been finding out ..it seems MUCH thought and planning has gone into how to ‘get away’ with this ..how to frame lies so women would believe them
I think of how Jesus nailed those who were accusing Him as ‘children of their father ..the devil ‘ for He identified the devil as the ‘father of lies’
That is bone chilling.
Yes I am challenge by emotional things every day and I go to the Word and spend time in a study of some kind …often to give exhortation to another hurting person to lean upon the Lord
In these times those who want to incite our emotions and then take further advantage call for those who are led by the Lord to heed not allowing our flesh to take the lead in how we act…
It is indeed a struggle ..we were warned of this so it’s still surprising how shocked we might be as the world and those OF it ..continue to live by the stripes of their ‘kind’ …unregenerate …dead in trespasses and sin …natural man overtaken in a fault without remedy because they reject the ONLY remedy to not just have sin paid for but to learn how to contest against it in their lives.
They are most to be pitied for they are captive to the whims of the spirits that intrude into the mind devoid of the Word of GOD ..the Spirit of disobedience runs them around and uses them to incite others who also have no knowledge or understanding of the things God wants us to know.
The book of Proverbs is pretty much a biography of both those who are willing to follow the Lord and those who resist and rebel….gee it would be great if those who are lost would get a clue
We take every offense and go back to see what we can learn …despite the sting of betrayal that often times slithers into our minds..we are told to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ ..and so we continue to do what we are told …hard it may be …but that doesn’t change the truth that we are told to do what GOD who is ALL knowing and ALL good all the time is going to work things out …
Just like many hurting …we may pray ..OK Lord ..but please HURRY!
Hahaha…
but I hope that by sharing this as I go through it …it might warn those who have not sinned in this manner as my husband …or those who are hurting that GOD DOES care and has provided the solutions for all our woes…
He doesn’t want anyone to suffer such things…but often people think of the Bible as prohibitive ..instead of warning.
Sort of what Eve thought progressively seen in her conversation with the Serpent…deceived by way of NOT knowing WHAT exactly GOD did say …she was lead to think He was withholding …or that their diet was missing something good! BAH….same ol same ol today ..
The devil is not original and apparently he doesn’t HAVE to be …if only we would take the historical evidence of his M.O. to heart!
Well I so appreciate a little support and baring sorrow with me Jeff …your prayers and your lovely wife have given yourselves to helping people hurting and that means SO MUCH …you will find yourselves hearing no doubt.
“Well done my good and faithful servant”!
His