One of the trends I’ve recently seen are spouses wondering if they did the right thing after taking a big step of getting real. When you start asking about whether you did the right things after getting real (or the current pop culture term ‘being authentic’) troubles me.
I realize that making the move of getting real is frightening in that it takes you out of your comfort zone. It takes you to a place where you’re faced with many unknowns.
Let me start with pointing out being authentic and getting real are two separate things. Being authentic is more about expecting others to accommodate your personal world and truths.
Getting real is instead about being honest regarding what you feel and acknowledging facts. There is a big difference between sharing honest reactions and expecting the world to accommodate your ‘truth’.
Although it can be scary, it has benefits. It changes your marriage relationship in a good way, when you have some idea about what you’re after.
When you need affirmation about having an honest heart to heart conversation with your spouse, it tells me that you’ve been settling rather than living. You’ve been getting scraps of the kind of closeness that you could have.
Your relationship isn’t living up to its full potential.
If you grew up in a family environment where communication and relationships were superficial, your trepidation with getting real is understandable. It’s also hard for those who’ve experienced trauma or betrayal to get real.
Getting real includes being vulnerable. At those moments you risk disappointment or getting hurt again. The closer you get to your spouse, the greater the vulnerability develops.
This is one of the many painful damages inflicted by an affair. It hurts getting close to each other again.
Betrayal screams in your ear not to trust them, while another part of you struggles with wanting intimacy. Being torn between the two is tormenting.
You face the choice of being isolated and safe or risking vulnerability in being honest. That’s not a comfortable or easy decision.
There are ways of rebuilding the trust that once existed, if that’s what you want. In the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?”, I go into how the trust can be rebuilt. Knowing the specific requirements for trust gives you a road map.
Having a map for your rebuilding trust in your relationship lets you know what to fix. It still takes you out of your comfort zone, but having a clear idea of what you’re looking for takes out the fear of the unknown.
Click and download your copy of the video today. You can have a better idea of what’s needed in making your relationship better.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
