Statements such as “I hate holidays!” is common in families that have been touched by affairs. Affairs have a way of turning holidays into times of conflict and pain. The old loyalties to family members are fragmented. The children find themselves having to accept people and situations they may not like. Since they love their parents, they find themselves torn between their feelings to each of them. Since families often find themselves together over the holidays, when there has been an affair, they are brought face to face with the pain and shame of the affair. It is akin to taking a dog and rubbing their nose in their own feces. Dogs don’t like it, nor do family members like it either. The dislike of the holidays will show up in the form of comments and resistance to attending the family events. Your children may not be misbehaving, they may be having normal reactions to misbehavior by the parents. Before taking your child to the therapist to ‘fix them’, you may need to consider how the affair contributes to things first. Hating holidays and family gatherings is an indication that something is going on, and that the something is painful.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
