The challenge you may face when getting the cheaters attention is knowing the difference between getting their attention and getting revenge. The difference between the two is your attitude. If you are trying to get their attention in order to hurt them back or make them know how it feels by inflicting the same pain on them, you are out for revenge. If on the other hand, you are trying to get their attention in order to wake them up, so that you can talk to them, that is a better attitude.
So what will wake them up?
The wake up button for spouses varies from person to person. With one couple I worked with, it was money. When the one who was cheated on took control of the bank accounts, it woke the cheater up and got their attention. Although it was tempting to engage in paybacks, the person cheated on resisted that urge. With some spouses it may be health related, time related, their favorite car, their cell phone, etc. You will have to study your spouse in order to know what their attention button is. The goal is to get their attention, NOT to inflict pain or paybacks.
Once you have their attention, then you can tell them about your struggles and your pain. Bear in mind, it is also about getting your attention as well. You will also need to listen to them. It is not a one way street where you can dump and it will get all better. After you speak, you need to listen attentively to them. You may not like what you hear, but you need to hear them out.
The truth is not always pleasant, but it is necessary.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
