Cheaters are often in a “mental fog”. You can call it La-La Land, the affair fog, being in ‘robot mode’ or living in another world. This is one of the reasons that you may feel that you two are speaking two different languages. Mentally, and emotionally they are not there with you. When you are faced with the cheater being in such a mindset, it is hard to connect with them.
When this situation is going on, you need to get their attention before delivering your message. Let me repeat that since it is so important..You need to get their attention BEFORE delivering your message. If you try talking to them before you get their attention, they will not tune in. You need to get their attention, get them tuned into you BEFORE you try talking to them. If you talk before that, you beautifully crafted words are wasted. They may pay lip service to you, but they are not really listening.
This is your first lesson in dealing with the affair fog.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
4 Responses
This reminds me of the story of the man who bought a mule from his neighbor …
He got the mule harnessed up to plow the field the next day but he just could not get the mule to start on command
Finally , frustrated he called the neighbor to come over and see if he could learn what he was doing wrong .
The neighbor arrived with a two by four in hand and proceeded to walk up to the mule and whack him in the forehead with the board.
“What did you do THAT for ‘ exclaimed the farmer
To which the neighbor replied, ” You have to get his attention first!’
I have not tried this at home…and I don’t suppose we should suggest this as a method for this ‘fog ‘ state but you make a very good point Jeff…
Now ….just to find out WHAT is going to do the trick….that is the ‘rub’ eh!
Zaza,
I like the story of the mule. I am sure that many of the readers can appreciate the story and the situation. First, you have to get the cheaters attention. I have seen countless numbers of couples where the one who was cheated on chatters and rambles on regarding their hurts, etc. unaware that the cheater had tuned them out long ago. Each of them in their own little world.
So true…..thank you …you give good food for thought on your blog!
Thank you. It means a lot that you find them good food for thought.