One of the frustrations in modern life is the dilemma of too many choices. What was once a simple task of ordering a cup of coffee now becomes a series of choices.
It’s no longer whether or not you want a cup of coffee. It’s morphed into what size, what kind of milk, the milk to coffee ratio and whether or not to add flavors to your cup of java.
This is not just a Starbuck’s problem. I encounter it at the local coffee shop known as ‘Summer Moon’, where you have the additional choice of what kind of moon milk you want with your coffee.
There’s so many choices in daily life to where it becomes overwhelming. It gets to the point where you feel paralyzed by the numerous choices required each day.
With the overwhelm of choices, it’s easy understanding how paralyzing choices become when dealing with an affair. You face the choice of whether you love them or not, whether you want to work things out or not and eventually whether to stay in your marriage or not.
When faced with making choices in situations where you don’t want to make them, the choices bring the feeling of being overwhelmed. The sensation hits you like a tidal wave that surrounds and drowns you.
During those times you feel torn by the choices. At that point, you are facing the crisis of ambivalence.
Love and hate, staying or leaving, and other extreme options are forced on you. Rather than making a choice, you may choose not to choose. The paradox is that making no choice is a choice itself.
You may not have consciously chose that option. You may have only done it by default. Either way, the choice is made.
Being stuck in ambivalence is similar to being stuck on a fence. Each side of you straddles one of your options. Being on a fence leaves you feeling helpless, even though you opted for being there.
Being on the fence may get you some pity and support, but it doesn’t move you forward through affair recovery. For that, you must choose to work on getting past the affair.
When you make that choice, it helps knowing what the next step is. You’re not in a place where you can make long term plans. You are doing good to put one foot ahead of the other. You just want to know what to do next.
This is where the video on “Getting Past the Affair Crisis” guides you through those first days after choosing to work on your marriage. Take a breath and then choose what your next step will be.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
