One of the questions I deal with in the e-book, “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” is ‘Who are they having the affair with?’ You may have even asked that question yourself.
In answering the question, you are likely able to produce their name, and if you’ve done some snooping, their email and address. You probably have a good idea what they look like as well.
That kind of information can be found on wanted posters or the “She’s a Homewrecker” website. You may have even considered them the enemy.
Those kinds of answers address the issues underlying the affair on a surface level. When you start considering what their choice of lover reveals about their needs, you seen a different picture emerging.
Things like the lover’s age, appearance, behavior and habits reveal things about the cheater. They give you insights concerning whether they are looking for companionship, a trophy, fun times or admiration.
When you see the lover, the way they carry themselves reveals things about the needs of your spouse. When you start dealing with the affair in terms of the needs, it takes healing to a deeper level.
Rather than viewing the lover as someone to compare yourself to, try instead seeing them as the outward expression of something inside your spouse. This will give you some insights that they may not be talking to you about.
Remember that communication is about MORE than talking. What they do, and who they choose communicate things as well. Although the message is out there, few spouses pick up on it.
Affairs aren’t random and neither are the choices behind them. When you start viewing the affair in terms of needs being expressed, you’ll see what the root problems are rather than being distracted by surface issues.
If you read the ebook, “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” you’d know some of the other questions about the hidden needs revealed in the choice of lover. You can purchase and download a copy of the book with just a few clicks and start learning what to look for.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
