There are times it’s necessary to cover the basics of affair recovery. I’m reminded of this when I see the questions of readers.
One of the common question is “What’s the definition of a long-term affair?” I consider any affair or relationship lasting over 18 months as a ‘long-term affair’.
When relationship have continued that time frame or beyond, the relationship dynamics change. At that point, it’s like they’re cemented in place. There are structures put in place that keep it going.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, accommodations have occurred. Each relationship makes adjustments so that the other one continues. Having made the accommodations, the changes at this point become a ‘new normal’.
Part of the accommodations made is the cheater bonding in each relationship. They form bonds to both you and the AP. Once formed, they start exerting influence on the cheater’s emotions and thinking.
In order to keep both relationships alive, the cheater is never fully vested in either one. They do enough to keep things going, but never at their full potential of either relationship. They limit the growth of the relationships.
In some cases, they want both relationships to continue the way they are going. They’ve made adjustments and refuse ending either one. In order to move forward, they have to commit.
Many cheaters don’t understand that commitment precedes more intense emotional connection. They instead look for the emotional connection first, then decide on committing to the relationship.
Their inability to commit is disastrous for relationships. Without commitment, there is either no trust or weak trust.
Delays and hesitancy on their part only prolongs the pain. They’ll make excuses for not doing what they need to do. The fact that the affair turned into a long-term one already signals that they have relationship issues in their life.
In the video, “How can I trust you again?” I share more about the importance of commitment. Both the cheater and you can benefit from developing a healthy knowledge of commitment and its importance in establishing trust in your relationship.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
