The emotion filled question “Can my marriage be saved?” is often asked by hurting spouses. My response to their question ranges from heartbroken pain to being appalled. The question is one that seeks for validation and hope regarding their relationship. It is as if those hurting couples are wanting the counselor to give them permission to work on their marriage.
I am still amazed that there are some that ask the question with the full emotional drama that often accompanies it and within a day or two they are behaving like they did before their emotional crisis. Many of the items needing correction are ‘common sense’ to me, yet the couples were oblivious to them.
“Quit beating your wife”
“Quit going to strip clubs”
“Quit saying mean things to your spouse”
“Quit referring to your spouse in derogatory terms for their body parts”
“Quit referring to the step-children as demonic prodigy”
“Quit calling your old boyfriends and girlfriends”
“Quit trying to talk your spouse into a threesome”
“Quit comparing your spouse to former lovers”
“Quit using religion as a hammer to force your spouse to have sexual relations”
“Quit choking your wife”
“Quit letting your husband back into your life after he has repeatedly beat you”
“Quit asking your spouse to steal and lie for you”
Although these seem like common sense, many people react to hearing them with the “deer in the headlight” response.
Instead of “Can my marriage be saved?” perhaps the question needs to be “Will you quit doing those things that are destroying your marriage?”
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
