Back in 2015, I attended a presentation by Patrick Carnes. If you don’t know him, he’s one of the early thought leaders in dealing with sexual addiction.
During his talk, Patrick warned those in attendance that a sexual tsunami was coming. Like an Old Testament prophet, he sounded alarms about its’ arrival.
Like signs in the sky, he went through a list of events and trends. He saw signs of sexual trouble on the horizon.
Patrick pointed out the United States produces 60% of pornography in the world. In order to give you an idea of how large that is, consider that in 2015, the number of women in pornography was 34,000,000. To put it in perspective, that is over 5 times the number of deaths from COVID. Although the numbers are HUGE, few people are sounding an alarm over this problem.
Keep in mind that not all of them are involved voluntarily. Some of you may not grasp how large a number of women that is.
That’s roughly the same size as the whole population of Canada. He believed that when 34 million women are involved with porn, there’s a sexual addiction problem going on.
One of the shocking items he shared concerned how his findings show that swinging leads to involvement in anonymous sex networks which later leads to involvement in the drug and sex trade.
This finding flies in the face of some swingers and open marriage fans. In my counseling, I have seen the ugly truth of his statement.
I doubt that many swingers see the dangers that their actions will eventually lead to. They’re too caught up in the fantasies and escapism that swinging brings with it. They don’t see the dangers down the road.
That’s part of the nature of sexual addictions, they grab you and won’t let go. They drag you down holes you never intended to go.
Swinging wouldn’t be popular if swingers approached other couples with a proposition of “Hey, let’s take you down a path of degradation where you’ll do anything for money. You’ll have anonymous sex with strangers and eventually be sold into the sex trade.”
It would be honest, but it would scare many couples off.
On a fairly regular basis, I receive comments from swingers who insist that their lives are ‘wonderful’ and they are the ‘happiest they’ve ever been.” They proclaim it loud and often. It’s as if they’re reassuring themselves of being happy to me and want my approval.
I don’t approve of cheating or swinging. Instead, I want to help people out of that mess. I want to give them a way of escaping the deep pits they’ve fallen into. Your situation isn’t hopeless. There are ways out of the mess.
One place to start is with the video “Relationship Trauma for Swingers”. In it you’ll find tools for helping you regain your thinking and start reducing the impact of what you’ve been through.
Imagine life where you enjoyed socializing again without the pressure of sexualized acts. You can be yourself without feeling like you’re going through an act.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
