An adage that has proven itself over and over in my life is “You find what you’re looking for.” I’ve found it both simple and true.
While watching a YouTube video on driving race cars, I saw that the racing community knows this as well. In their case, you steer your car toward where you are looking.
The simple truth is that whatever you put your focus on, your mind sets as a goal for you to reach. This also means that it matters what your mind is looking for.
I thought about this on reading about a New York Times best-selling author whose book promoting infidelity is being promoted in mainstream media. On reading about her, I considered where she was coming from.
She approaches human relationships through the lens of studying animal behavior. It should be no surprise that she found what she was looking for.
Surprise! She found that humans behaved like animals when it comes to marriage relationships! She found what she was looking for.
They’re in and out of marriages based on their drives and passions. They were driven by animal like passions.
She found what she was looking for. Like many observational studies, her assumptions about relationships and affairs (now termed non-monogamy) were validated by her social research observations.
When it comes to recovering from an affair, consider what you’re looking for. Are you looking for validation that the affair was ‘normal’ behavior and part of your new marriage routine?
Are you looking for ways of healing the heartache and pain from your spouse betraying you? Are you seeking a way of putting your marriage back together?
How you answer what you’re looking for shapes where you look. Like the author, you’ll find what you set your focus on, whether it is healing or the latest yellow brick road or shiny object.
If you want healing and recovery, you’re in the right place. Marriage relationships are not the same as animal ones.
Marriages benefit from help with intimacy and communication. They’re enhanced with forgiveness and connection.
At the Restored Lifestyle site, you can share your journey with others who want something better for their marriage and lives. You can move past the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
